Ease Over Optics: How Two Grooms Planned the Most Intimate Gay Wedding

Darnell and Chris are the kind of people you talk to and feel like you’ve known them for years. After two conversations, I’ve already divulged my entire life story and invited them to stay with my husband and me in Ireland. I meant it, too. It’s rare to feel that kind of genuine warmth through a computer screen, but that’s just the kind of people they are. As I reflect on our conversation, their story makes a lot of sense. As I see it, they are the product of two people growing together out of instinct. The Beginning of a Queer Love Story

For two talented creatives who put so much intention into their work, it’s funny how incidental their relationship has been. Not without care and tenderness, but seemingly without needless anxiety. “We met on Scruff,” Chris says with a cheeky grin.

Chris, a talented hair stylist, is a self-described “Chatty-Cathy,” and it tracks. One flash of his pearly whites and a flick of his long hair, and it’s easy to see why Darnell was so drawn to him. “It was probably like three or four attempts of me trying to get you to hang out,” Darnell says playfully. Darnell, a brilliant art director, is quieter and more reserved, yet deeply contemplative. His beard and glasses give him a professorial look, even when paired with a baseball cap. Coupled with his deep voice and thoughtful cadence, talking to him is a tonic. They complement each other perfectly. They just fit.

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Chris described their first date, at a sports bar in Philly, as “easy.” Despite the first-date jitters, a combination of liquid courage and Chris’ charm got them gabbing all evening like old friends. “We had a couple of shots, and we just had the best time. […] We hung out almost every day since.” The Proposal That Wasn’t

As our conversation turned to weddings, the theme of ease kept coming back. Marriage wasn’t on either of their radars. “I never really had a picturesque idea of getting married or anything like that,” says Darnell. “I think we talked about it, but it was never anything super serious or anything.” Circumstance Without the Pomp

Like many queer people, a traditional marriage wasn’t something they ever expected for themselves. “It wasn’t a realistic thought, kind of growing up gay, you know? It just wasn’t really part of it,” says Chris. “Even when we started talking about marriage, we didn’t even want to do the proposal thing.” Their actual “proposal,” if you want to call it that, was an impromptu trip to the jewelry store. “We went to our favorite jewelry store, it’s called Halloween, and we were just kind of shopping around.”

“We were there for like maybe an hour or something, and we both kind of just found rings that we loved. And then we were like, should we just do it?” I could see the excitement on their faces as they remembered this moment. I got the sense that their relationship was a constant process of discovery, filled with little moments just like this one.

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Originally, the couple toyed with the idea of a black-tie affair. Something gay and grand. “I think just naturally, when you get engaged, the kind of hype of it felt like we needed to do something grand, and then we were like, we actually don’t really want any part of that.” Letting Go of the Big Wedding Pressure

Instead, they gave themselves time, two full years in fact. And in that time, they let the idea of a big wedding fade. What emerged was something much closer to the truth: a private, deeply intentional celebration. It’s not an easy decision to make. Anyone who has planned a wedding can tell you that sooner or later, the expectations of friends, parents, in-laws, and family friends start to weigh on you. Before you know it, the whole affair can quickly spiral out of your control.

This was something Chris and Darnell were very intentional about. “We kind of just kept our plans to ourselves, and that helped us just be really clear about what we wanted.” An Intimate Wedding Day in LA

The night before they tied the knot, Darnell and Chris checked themselves into Chateau Marmont. Perched above Sunset Boulevard, this century-old Gothic Revival building is like something out of a fairy tale. Chic, storied, and effortlessly romantic, I can’t think of a more perfect setting for these two. “It’s such a magical place,” says Chris. The rest of their stay sounds like a dream. They ordered room service, went down to the pool, took a little dip, and sat in the sun. While most people are panicking about the weather and writing last-minute table-seating labels (yours truly), Darnell and Chris were soaking in the entire thing. “It truly felt like a staycation because it was like something we were doing that no one else knew,” says Chris. A Wedding Ceremony Without the Spectacle

There is also actual wedding business to attend to here. The couple, of course, had to go through the legal motions, and they wanted to document everything along the way. “The photos were really the most important part, just so we can have [them] as a keepsake,” says Chris. They met their photographer, Chris Behroozian, a few times before for a vibe check. “We just wanted to feel really chill with them,” says Chris. “Especially getting your photo taken for hours is kind of a vulnerable experience.” Not to mention, Chris Behroozian’s work is intimate, timeless, and somewhat cinematic; the ideal complement to both the couple and the setting. Capturing the Day with Intention

Given how stunning and editorial the photos look, I had to ask them how they achieved it. “We really did a lot of work in the preparation so that on the day, we weren’t micromanaging anyone, you know?” says Chris. “It felt so easy because [Darnell] and the photographer had done so much back and forth to prepare. So on the day it was decisive, it was clean, it was respectful.” It can’t hurt if one of you is an art director.

After their photos were taken in the morning, the couple headed to the courthouse. According to them, it was quick and easy. “We loved our judge. She was so cute and sweet.” They even had their photographer as their witness. Two birds with one stone. FaceTime, Dive Bars, and Two Dinners

Once they finished up at the courthouse, it was over to West Hollywood for some photos and shots at a dive bar. There, they gave their family a quick heads up to answer the phone when they call, and they broke the good news over FaceTime. If there was one thing that made them reconsider eloping, it was not having family there. I reminded them that there will be plenty of opportunities to do exactly that in the future—who says you even need an excuse?

When you’ve broken the conventions, you get to do things like planning two dinners instead of one. And that’s exactly what they did. First, they had dinner at Horses in West Hollywood, where they hung out and did some people watching. Then they headed back to their hotel for a second dinner. “That was really sweet because when we got to the table, friends and family had sent us bottles to the table.”

They even got a celebratory welcome. An older couple sitting next to them somehow got wind of their story and their arrival. “They freaked out when we got to the table,” says Chris. “It was so cute. They were screaming and clapping.” This was the point when the emotions of the day began to set in. Seeing their families, getting that welcome, and then processing it together sounds like the kind of shared, intimate experience that fuels a marriage. After dinner, the couple had cake in their hotel room, took some Polaroids, and watched cable TV, which is one of their favorite things to do together.

This sort of low-key experience certainly isn’t for everyone, but I can’t help but wonder how many people would choose this if it felt more accessible to them. Without the external burdens of familial and societal expectations, weddings can be like a secret shared between lovers. Something that belongs to just the two of you. 10 Years After Obergefell

It’s not lost on me that my conversation with Darnell and Chris is occurring almost exactly 10 years after the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015. Nor is it lost on Darnell and Chris that the current political landscape has us wondering just how safe our right to marry is. “The political climate definitely informed our sense of urgency,” says Chris. “In November, with the new administration, […] we felt pretty vulnerable.” The Political Reality of Queer Marriage in 2025

No queer couple needs the government to validate their relationship, but the rights afforded to those who marry are deeply impactful. Regardless, no matter what happens, Darnell and Chris’ relationship is built on something stronger. If they did see their rights roll back, “it would be a sad thing, but it wouldn’t break us,” says Chris.

So, 10 years after Obergefell, perhaps it’s time that some of us reexamine our relationship with weddings and marriage in general. Ask yourself, how can they best serve your needs as a family, rather than falling into the same conveyor belt as everyone else? While certainly not for everyone, Chris and Darnell chose to skip the spectacle and, in doing so, they found something far more personal. Life After the Ceremony

True to form, the couple says they are looking for some consistency for a while. “We’ve been in Los Angeles now for six years, and it’s just feeling like we can breathe a little bit.” According to Darnell, they’re in their nesting period. Marriage as Intention

Now that they’re married, I couldn’t help but wonder if life feels different for Darnell and Chris. In many ways, this is a natural continuation of their story, but in others, this has made them feel more solid as a couple. “I feel like we’re quicker to say sorry,” says Darnell. “You’re more intentional about each other’s feelings […] because you plan to spend a lifetime together, you know?”

My mother-in-law likes to tell me, “What’s meant for you will come easily.” It always struck me as a platitude you tell yourself when you lose something you worked hard for. Perhaps I would amend the statement just a bit: “What’s meant for you will come naturally.” With a little intention and a dash of preparation, it might even come together with relative ease. When I look at relationships like Darnell and Chris’, I am reminded of how many great things can — and should — come easily.

Things like love. Intimacy. And watching cable TV with your husband.

Keep scrolling for more stunning shots of Darnell and Chris’ special day.

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