One of the all-time great The Onion headlines is “Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure”—and we think we’ve found the human personification of that cinnamon roll: David Archuleta.
The American Idol alum came out as part of the LGBTQ+ community in 2021, and has spent the past few years sharing his journey with the world as he embraces his sexuality and steps into his power (especially in light of growing up Mormon and more recently leaving the Church Of Latter-Day Saints).
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Case in point: The singer-songwriter’s been super active on TikTok, and recently he inadvertently walked himself right into a dirty joke.
A popular video from user @queenlock1989 shows her pointing at the 3-inch line on a tape measure and saying, “If this is you, you better lower your motherf*cking tone when you’re talking to me.” Seemingly unaware of the video’s real meaning—alluding to a very specific body part—Archuleta stitched it and added a clip of him singing “Crush,” his breakout single from 2008.
Oh David—you sweet, sweet cinnamon roll. We don’t think he realized what he was implying here! And neither do his followers, who took to his comments to write, “DAVID PLEASE” and “I did NOT expect this!”
Well, shortly thereafter, Archuleta got wise to what was really going on and posted a (shirtless!) follow-up video:
“Was this not a short person trend?” he said with a laugh. “I’m thinking back on the video and realizing… I’m 5’5″ but it’s not about that, is it?”
No, David, no… it’s definitely not about that. She’s not coming for short kings, she’s coming for short d—well, you get it now, right?
Still, some of his followers didn’t buy that Archuleta was oblivious to what was really going on here—after all, people aren’t that short. Now “spiraling” over the conversation he started, the singer followed up with yet another TikTok to set the record straight:
“I grew up hardcore Mormon,” he begins to explain. “Not just average Mormon—hardcore! ‘Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.’ Pure, clean thoughts was the way to be and the way to go, and that’s all I knew. Like, that’s what I was raised and conditioned to be. And it’s gonna take me a while to catch up with y’all… I’m getting there, eventually. Slowly but surely.”
At 32, David Archuleta is out and proud and living his best life.
“I genuinely just thought that it was like a short person joke,” he continues,” because I’ve done TikToks about how tall I am before. But, you know, I love my height… and the rest of me too!,” he adds, motioning downward.
We can have a laugh about it because Archuleta sure thinks it’s funny, but that is a really important anecdote to keep in mind. And though his journey’s been different from many of ours, surely we can all think of times and situations when we were “baby gays” embracing and navigating the community for the first time.
We’ve all had our fumbles and misunderstandings. It just so happens that Archuleta’s making them in front of a ton of people (he’s got 1.1M followers on TikTok!), so let’s cut him a little slack, shall we?
Honestly, we’d say that all sounds like pretty interesting fodder for a memoir, no? Well, good news: He’s got one on the way, having recently inked a deal with Dey Street Books to tell the story of his struggles with growing up Mormon, being thrust into the spotlight as a teen on American Idol, and so much more.
Archuleta took his power to a new and more physical level by flaunting his recent fitness gains.
Anyway, Archuleta is definitely living his best life right now—hitting up LA’s hottest new gay dance night Maurice, totally stylin’ at some Grammys weekend events—and we couldn’t be happier.
And he’s definitely not naive to everything. After all, we’re pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing when he replied to a comment about being a “full time bottom,” posting a new video saying, “I’m sure that you are absolutely right. For other people out there, I’m sure that they would definitely agree with that… couldn’t relate!”
Wait a minute, did he just come out as a top? Or vers? Either way, we see you, David—we see you!
Next up, David Archuleta will be a special guest at the 2024 Queerties Awards on March 12, where he’s slated to present and deliver a special performance. He’ll be on stage alongside our host, Jinkx Monsoon, and none other than his American Idol supporter Paula Abdul, on hand to receive the honorary “Straight Up Ally” award.
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ib: @Francisco Alejandro López #crush ♬ original sound – David Archuleta
