JD Vance’s school bully is back with a proposition the flopping VP can’t refuse
It's match time
Mark
The best thing about witnessing JD Vance’s epic, never-ending flop era is that it keeps supplying with fresh twists, turns, and humiliations for the always-losing VP.
The karmic retribution is hitting Vance hard. So hard, in fact, that his grade school bully has entered the chat once again, and he’s ready to open up a can of whoop-a** on the man who sold out his fellow Appalachians, and his entire country.
We first talked about Chris Baker, Vance’s childhood bully-turned-patriot, when he first started telling tea on the VP in a series of posts about the many dubious Tr*mp assassination attempts. Things got so heated that last week, Vance slid into Baker’s DMs telling him to stop with the conspiracy theories, but it only made the problem worse.
Now, in the wake of Vance’s falling out with Tr*mp and his crushed hopes for a 2028 Presidential run, Baker is back to exalt in the mess, and we sure do love to see it.
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“Ever since I came back into JD’s life he’s been a nervous wreck,” Baker says in a video uploaded yesterday. In addition to Vance reading the writing on the wall and allegedly pulling his bid for 2028 candidacy, “his sugar daddy took off for Argentina,” and “apparently, he’s now “lost control of his bowels.”
Look, he’s not wrong.
Vance’s recent high profile fart is definitely in keeping with the lore about the current, very poopy administration, and we know that Peter Thiel has indeed left for warmer climes. The gay tech billionaire whose influence (and funds) helped propel Vance into the political arena might be having second thoughts about the Tr*mp administration based on his recent decision to f*ck off to Argentina, but that leaves Vance out in the cold, especially since his bromance with Tr*mp is going through a visible rough patch.
Vance also has another headache: Baker’s posts. He’s already sent a cease and desist letter saying that Baker needs to “stop using [Vance’s] name” in perpetuity.
But Baker isn’t content to leave it at that. He’s prepared to add injury to insult—by proposing an official cage match between himself (extremely ripped) and Vance (noodley and uncoordinated.)
“I have an offer for you JD,” Baker says. “Cage match, UFC style. White House front lawn. You versus me, your childhood school bully.”
Don’t threaten us with a great time! Baker is of course referring to the embarrassing UFC-erected cage currently being built on the White House south lawn in anticipation of Tr*mp’s combination birthday-America 250 celebration.
While UFC is reportedly paying for the $60 million cage, it’s still clearly another case of presidential grifting, since Tr*mp is selling “sponsorship” packages starting at $1.5 million.
Though if it’s going to be Baker and Vance in the ring, I know plenty of people who would find that a small price to pay for the pleasure of seeing Vance get humiliated in front of a live audience. Especially since Baker is so confident he’d win in the match, he’s already promising to buy Vance a full year’s supply of mascara if he loses to the VP.
Talk about throwing down the gauntlet! We’ll see how Vance responds to Baker’s response, especially since Baker told him to “take [his] cease and desist and shove it up [his] a**.” For now, we’re just enjoying the ride. We hope Ryan Murphy is taking notes, because this is about to be the best season of Feud ever.
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