Just when we thought Natalie Harp couldn’t get any creepier, this happened…

This just in: D*n*ld Tr*mp’s #1 fangirl Natalie Harp has snagged a spot on Washingtonian’s coveted list of 100 200 300 Most Power Women in Washington for the year 2026.

Congrats, Nat!

To celebrate, the outlet “interviewed” 35-year-old Harp via email, with White House Communications Director Steven Cheung acting as middleman. Because nothing screams “female empowerment” quite like letting a man filter your thoughts first.

In the odd puff piece, Harp brags about how she finished college in three years instead of four, and maintained a perfect 4.0 GPA throughout her time at Point Loma Nazarene University, a private, Christ-centered liberal arts university in San Diego, California. She also talks about how she doesn’t believe in the working just 8-5 Monday through Friday. Instead, she works 24-7 because “our country deserves no less.”

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What she actually does, however, remains somewhat of a mystery.

Harp’s official title is “Special and Executive Assistant” to the president, but her actual responsibilities are murky. She’s reportedly known around the West Wing as “the human printer” because she trails Tr*mp around everywhere he goes with a portable printer, supplying him with a constant stream of positive social media posts and cheerleading optimism.

Beyond that, she helps manage his Truth Social page by drafting posts that he dictates to her, as well as sending text messages on his behalf to cabinet officials and world leaders.

Oh, and she accompanies him on both Marine One and Air Force One everywhere he goes and can often be seen awkwardly lugging a giant diaper duffle bag around with her.

Most notably, she was among the elite few who joined Tr*mp inside that airplane catering container during that covert security evacuation in Turkey over the summer.

But back to Washingtonian’s odd puff piece…

Harp spends a good chunk of it absolutely gushing over her 80-year-old boss, marveling at his impressive stamina and the breakneck speed at which he’s been getting things done.

To his credit, that algae bloom in the Reflecting Pool spread quite quickly over the summer!

“The president continues to do as much as possible, as quickly as possible, delivering historic results for our country, and the world,” Harp parrots loyally.

Those “historic results” have included things like higher prices, higher interest rates, and a national debt of $40 trillion, the highest it’s ever been in history. Oh, and let’s not forget all those rollbacks on civil rights, especially when it comes to federal protections for LGBTQ+ people, particularly in regards to trans healthcare and workplace discrimination.

Harp also suggests people need to stop criticizing Tr*mp for being an octogenarian because “age is just a number” and “years count how long you have been doing something, not necessarily how good you are at it.”

“In the end,” she says, somewhat incoherently, “history will remember us not for our gender, years lived, or at what age we reached what the world sees as ‘success’ but, by what we did, and that will outlive us!”

Speaking of things she’s done, in August, Harp made headlines when some very intimate letters she penned to Tr*mp were leaked to the press.

“I want things to always be right between us,” she cooed in one of the printed-and-signed missives. The letter, which opened with a formal “Dear Mr. President,” signed off on a deeply professional note: “With all my heart, Natalie.”

In another, she wrote: “I never want to bring you anything but joy. I’m sorry I lost my focus. You are all that matters to me. I don’t want to ever let you down. Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life.”

The whole thing was pretty embarrassing, and Harp went under the radar for a few weeks afterwards. But now that the humiliation has apparently worn off, she’s ready to accept her flowers… along with 299 other powerful women in the nation’s capital.

When asked how she survives such a high-stress, high-profile gig that sometimes includes some rather unflattering stories about her in the press, Harp tells Washingtonian that she relies on the Bible to keep her sane and grounded.

“Since the epicenter of ‘power’ is not Washington, D.C., but Heaven, every morning I listen to a few chapters of the Bible on audiobook, and pray for God’s wisdom and strength in whatever situations may arise,” she says.

Evidently, nothing brings you closer to the Divine than an Audible subscription… and Daddy Tr*mp.

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