Sadly, ‘The Boys In The Boat’ isn’t as gay as it sounds—but we’re still excited to see this crew stroke

If you’ve been perusing cinema schedules trying to find something to see with the family over the holiday break, you might’ve come across a movie called The Boys In The Boat—wait a minute, what’s that?

Is it an aquatic, erotic adventure movie? A jolly gay musical set on the high seas? Or maybe it’s a sequel to The Boys In The Band? Based off that title alone, it sounds like it could be the gayest new movie of the holiday season!

But… is it? We weren’t the only ones with that question:

How about we take this to the next level?

Subscribe to our daily newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.

Promotions and Partner Emails

Daily Newsletter

Sign Up

Well, upon further investigation, it pains us to report that, no, there’s nothing overtly gay about The Boys In The Boat. However, depending on how you feel about handsome twinks and twunks wearing short-shorts and stroking in unison, we think it’s fair to say you might find it at least a little titillating

Based off a 2013 nonfiction novel of the same name, The Boys In The Boat is about the young men and coaches of the University of Washington rowing team, who went on to compete in the 1936 Summer Olympic games in Berlin—a very fraught time and place considering Germany was under the control of Nazi powers.

And—get this—it happens to be directed by George Clooney who certainly has a better track record as an actor than a director. Oh, sure, there’s his 2005 six-time Oscar nominee Good Night And Good Luck, but does anyone even remember his more recent efforts like The Midnight Sky or The Tender Bar? We digress…

Despite the more serious subject matter, this is still a movie about, well, boys in a boat—strapping young men flexing arms and flashing thighs as they row in unison. If that’s not homoerotic, we don’t know what is.

Related:

Gay rower Robbie Manson just qualified for the Olympics while still updating his OnlyFans page

Robbie Manson and his partner, Ben Mason, will compete at Paris 2024 Summer Olympics.

It doesn’t hurt that Clooney has assembled a cast of hot rising stars from the U.S. and U.K. to fill out that boat. Fantastic Beats stud Callum Turner stars as rower Joe Rantz, who came from a poor family and initially joined the crew just so he could have a bed to sleep in. Turner went blond for the role, and that really seems to be doing it for people:

Playing some of Rantz’s fellow rowers are Jack Mulhern (Mare Of Easttown), Bruce Herbelin-Earle (British drama Free Rein), Tom Varey (Game Of Thrones), and Thomas Elms (Motherland: Fort Salem). They may not yet be household names yet, but you can follow them on Instagram—you know, if you want to keep tabs on their careers! *wink*

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Moongoose & Jack (@jackmulhernmoon)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bruce Herbelin-Earle (@bruceherbelinearle)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tom Varey (@tom_varey)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Thomas Elms (@thomasgelms)

And rounding out the cast are the coaches of the University of Washington team, played Aussie hunk Joel Edgerton (Animal Kingdom, Boy Erased) and the gorgeous James Wolk (Mad Men, Watchmen), who you may remember looks like this:

Now that we think about it, The Boys In The Boat may not be the sexy gay flick we were hoping for based off that title, but it might actually be the perfect movie to take the whole family to see over the holidays after all: They can all enjoy an inspirational underdog sports story, and you? You can just sit back an enjoy the eye candy. It’s a win-win!

The Boys In The Boat opens in U.S. theaters on December 25, Christmas Day. Scroll down below for a few more of our favorite confused reactions from Gay Twitter:

Related:

PHOTOS: 10 reasons to celebrate the triumphant return of the Warwick Rowers to IG

Whatever rows your boat.