Are “k-holes” & rave culture ruining gay nightlife?

Gay people are often dinged for centering their social lives around drinking. But to some, those now feel like the good old days.

A queer writer in Brooklyn recently published an amusing screed on her Substack from another writer lamenting the ubiquity of rave culture: “This so-called community will not rescue you from a k-hole.”

As one can tell from the title, the tone is tongue-in-cheek. But the post quickly prompted the discourse of the day on Gay Twitter X.

We love the drama! What can we say?

At the start of the post, the writer acknowledges they used to love the sound of vibrating beats and smell of musty, musty men.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fun as a wannabe raver. I’ve stayed on the dance floor, for hours and hours and hours, until the sun comes up and the bar closes down,” they say. “I’ve traveled to other states to rave. I even fell in love at the club with one such proponent of this lifestyle.”

But now, they say they’re “f*cking” tired…despite still being in her 20s! She’s sick of the $50 circuit parties at gentrified warehouses, and annoyed with the prevalence of DJs/dancers/writers/models/content creators. More than anything, she feels like every weekend is queer Groundhog Day, with the same music, same people and same substances.

“It’s not that I don’t want to drink and do drugs… but why doesn’t anyone want to come over for a house party?,” they write.

The post generated hundreds of replies, with many people providing the same piece of advice: make new friends!

I understand this, but also this article just comes off as someone who really just hates raving and that culture in general. and that's fine? like go find another pastime that makes YOU happy!— Just giggling (@DJNixtamal) April 15, 2024

If your friends are forcing you to go raving get new ones! No need to bash entire sub communities cause the author can't have fun sober— lina (@cswslina) April 15, 2024

Other folx took issue with the blog’s gratuitous barbs towards the aspiring creative class. “Nothing more cringe than insulting people for being ‘unsuccessful’ in their creative pursuits,” somebody commented.

That’s true, and we encourage everybody to pursue their artistic dreams. But beneath all of the author’s snark, maybe they’re hitting on a larger point?

For many members of the LGBTQ+ community, nightclubs and dance parties aren’t safe spaces. There are multiple barriers to entry, beginning with six-pack abs and very large bank accounts. At NYC Pride, for example, revelers often spend more than $500 for party tickets.

And when non-cis partygoers do scrape together enough cash for admittance, they can feel isolated. A 24-year-old trans service worker told New York Mag last year they worked extra shifts to pay for their ticket. But when they arrived, they immediately wanted to leave.

They say the last straw was when they saw a group of white men spit on their Black trans friend.

“Members of our community are literally paying to see the most marginalized of us get assaulted,” they added.

Promoters pledge their commitment to diversity, but party attendees often don’t reflect that supposed mission.

There’s also the prevalence of drug use, and we’re not just talking about they stuff they did in the 80s. Ketamine, a horse tranquilizer that’s used as a possible treatment for mental health disorders, is now the most popular form of powder on the dance floor.

And DJs say it’s killing the vibe, putting revelers in a zombie-like state.

A DJ in the U.K. tweeted the following last year:

Another DJ agreed, saying she now asks promoters about the popular substances in their cities so she knows what to expect.

So yes, the article raises valid issues. But others wondered why the tone was so vitriolic. Though gay people are widely accepted in society, it’s still rare to find 100% queer spaces. There are 45% fewer gay bars today than in 2002, and many that still exist are filled with bachelorette parties.

Screaming girlies from the suburbs know how to find the gayborhood, but tracking down the warehouse in an industrial part of town where Ben Böhmer is spinning is a little more difficult.

“There are few spaces you can go and be surrounded by 100 percent gay men and do very gay [stuff] without danger,” a Pride attendee told NY Mag.

Also, going out and dancing can be fun! Let people live!

What do you think? Are raves killing queer nightlife, or should detractors calm down? Let us know in the comments below…