Confidence, smelly pits, getting tickled: Gays reveal what really turns them on
What makes you go feral?
Mark
There’s an oft-repeated expression that every time gay men see a hot guy, it’s like their first time seeing one. With that said, there must be some traits people find more attractive than others… right?
This week, we embarked on a mission to find out what ignites lust among Queerty readers. The answers were varied, ranging from explicit physical characteristics to intangible vibes.
Some even described seductive acts. 
They call it “cuffing season” for a reason!
How about we take this to the next level?
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With the weather turning crisp and the nights getting longer, we thought it was the perfect time to learn what would earn us a second date. Here’s what our respondents had to say…
What is the hottest thing a man can do and why?
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“Set down a hairless, hygienic a** on my face.” — Robert in Indianapolis, Indiana
Pow! Or should we say, “plop?” Robert leaves no mystery about what turns him on. Indeed, few activities keep us warmer on a chilly night than a full feast! We appreciate Robert clarifying he wants his meal to be properly cleaned–bacteria is never on the menu.
As for dessert, we assume Robert will order a big slab of peach pie. We’ll make sure to rinse with water first. 
“I am at an age where the hottest thing a man can do for me is offer to clear the table and properly load the dishwasher.” — Rad in Rhode Island
On the opposite end, we have Rad, who just wants a competent man around the house. He’s got dinner handled. Now, somebody help him clean up!
In all seriousness, chores can actually be quite romantic. More than half of Americans say they’re turned on when their partners when their partners handle domestic tasks. Acts of service double as acts of love. Also, nobody wants to live with a slob!
“A man softly brushing his fingers on my body. If done right that tingly sensation feels so good.” — Gary in Ohio
“The hottest thing a guy can do is rub/tickle my back. It feels so good and so relaxing, and I love the tactile sensation of it. — Chronomaxx in New Mexico
Tickle tickle tickle! A 2024 study of 719 participants found that 88% of respondents said they derive pleasure from the sensation. Of that total, 25% said they can reach climax.
While those results may be shocking to some, they wouldn’t be to Freud. Unsurprisingly, the psychosexual analyst was tickled with the fascination. He theorized that people foster strong emotional connections with early bodily experiences, especially the act of touch. Many parents and caregivers tickle their babies as a way to play and show affection.
It would make sense for people’s lovers to do the same.
“Dress up neatly! The better you look, it might turn a man on.” — Jack in California
We love how Jack qualifies his predilection for well dressed men. While the iron is guaranteed to give your shirt a stiff finish, it “might” only do the same for him!
“Wear boxer shorts with snapback hats. Just so hot to me.” — Kai in Berlin, Germany
On the other end of the spectrum, it seems like Kai wants a bad boy. We’re not surprised, considering he lives in the alt queer capital of the world! The Y2K cosplay to which Kai refers is dubbed “Heartland Drag,” and is on display in every cool queer bar from L.A. to New York to Berlin. Gas station rave shades and dirtbag mustaches have usurped the 3-inch in seam–at least for now.
“Show skin with their clothes on, and extremely good smelling cologne. Lastly them being able to talk with you and not at you. That is the hottest thing a man can do.” — Huron in Ohio
Huron is asking a lot: show skin, smell good and be able to converse? In this economy?! In all seriousness, Huron may have trouble finding all three traits. Scantily clad gays are notorious for no longer wearing deodorant, and social media has rotted our brains.
Remove the shirt, or wear a tank, and show pit. Nothing screams ‘hot man’ to me more than some hot, hairy pits. Not only are they visually pleasing, but the man’s essence comes through in his own distinct musk. —Davie in Texas
Meanwhile, it seems like Davie prefers his man to be a little raw, and he’s not alone. Research indicates that gay men are aroused by male pheromones, though we didn’t need a study to tell us that. As mentioned previously, just step inside a circuit party, and take a whiff!
Hot man + exposed pit = ecstasy 
“Not being afraid to talk about their feelings and being vulnerable — could be as small as being brave enough to tell someone you like them or just being confident in how they express themselves through clothing. Men care too much about how other perceive them — a confident guy who doesn’t give a f*ck is soooo hot.” — Caeden in Australia
Caeden puts its perfectly: confidence is hot! As a wise woman once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
“Mutual expression of enjoyment; however you both find that communication to be.” — Ryan in El Paso, Texas
“Just be understanding and like me for me.” — David in Fayetteville, North Carolina
Looks (and scents) are skin deep. The most important factors in relationships are communication and understanding. Nobody wants to put on a show for their partner. Providing someone the space to relax and be themselves is what romance is all about.
“Stand up for others, especially against this administration.” — Robbie in Boston
Absolutely. We love a man with a backbone.
“A man has to be confident but not cocky. A man of few words, but when he speaks, his truthful words mean something. His sexiness comes from wisdom that he’s gained over a young lifetime or a longer one. His physical body is tight, but not necessarily a gym bro. His mind is centered, his sense of humor is bright, his dress is sporty and professional — regardless of what he does for a living. A man who eats dessert. A man who makes dessert. A man who takes long drives alone to enjoy the weather, rain or shine, and who indulges his own thoughts. A man who takes longs drives with a like-minded man like me.” — Mike in Pennsylvania
Open up the door, Mike. We’re getting in!
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