Fleet enemas, peachy gummies & “the finger test:” Gays reveal how they get clean for the dirty deed
Much like cooking on Thanksgiving. prep is the most important part...
Mark
They say the most challenging conquests are the most rewarding.
When it comes to gay sex, that’s certainly the case!
Unlike our straight peers, the geometry doesn’t always work out so easily on our end. After all, we’re trying to accomplish the sexual version of fitting a square peg into a round hole.
We need to be prepared for that!
How about we take this to the next level?
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Since every gay has their own ritual, we thought it was fitting to ask Queerty readers over Thanksgiving weekend about their prep work. Every good cook knows that mise en place is the most important part!
If the space isn’t properly cleared out, the entire act is futile.
Luckily, our readers shared plenty of ways to ensure that Thanksgiving dinner doesn’t contain any late surprises. Here’s what they had to say…
How do you prepare for the dirty deed?
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“I’ve been very pleased since I’ve started drinking a 12 oz glass of water mixed with 2 large tablespoons of psyllium husk (fiber powder) every morning. It makes me quite regular with clean bowel movements every day. It’s a great feeling as a bottom. You can imagine like it’s a large sponge going through the intestines scraping clean the walls and emptying you out each day. If there’s enough time to prepare right before sex, I usually do a quick enema of plain water.” — Better on the Bottom in Long Island, New York
We figured we would start with an apparent expert. In order to be “Better on the Bottom,” one must be clean down there. Psyllium husk is a preferred fiber enhancer, because it aids digestion and lowers cholesterol. When it comes to gut health, the best approach is holistic. (In other words, don’t eat like crap and then just down a bunch of Metamucil. Sadly, that only works for people in their mid-20s!)
“I started taking Peachy Men gummies recently, and I’m hoping that I won’t have to heavily douche next time I do the dirty deed.” — Vera in Tucson, Arizona
Along similar lines, Vera bends at the alter of Peachy Men fiber gummies. Hey, whatever works!
“I am a side, so douching is irrelevant. If I have showered or used a bidet, I am good.” — Dennis in Seattle
Forget top privilege. Dennis shows that side supremacy is the true gay superpower!
“As close to the ‘event’ as possible (e.g. right before a date), I try and have a ‘movement’, and then I shower. Clean the area. Stick a finger in for a quick wiggle. Done. I’ve never known anyone in the U.K. to ‘starve’ themselves or restrict what they eat, nor have I ever known anyone to spend time douching. Healthy movements and a shower are all that are needed. Despite the ‘minimal’ prep work, and a diet which is far from ‘whole foods-only’, I’ve never encountered an issue.” — Louis in the U.K.
At Queerty, we often interview sexual health experts, and they all agree with Louis: healthy movements and good hygiene are the best approaches to staying clean. Excessive douching is dangerous and can cause permanent damage. When we obsess over aspects of our health, we typically increase stress, which negatively impacts our gut health. It’s a self-defeating cycle!
“As a bottom I use the hand held 4oz fleet enema. It only takes 10-15 mins or 20 at best! Never deep cleaning with a shower hose. Maybe I have to come back in 30 mins and do another 5 mins. Easy peasy!!!” — Erik in San Francisco
As long as it’s easy peasy for Erik, it sounds A-OK to us. Just remember: too many enemas can throw off your body’s electrolyte balance. We only deep clean our teeth once every six months or so. Perhaps we should follow the same rule for other intimate areas…
“I have a blessed booty! In all of my years, I have never prepped, unless I feel like I have to go. I could be out all night, eating heavy food and drinking, and still be clean. I think my lack of obsession is the secret. People are too fixated on their digestion.” — Scott in Madison, Wisconsin
That’s going too far, Scott! A recent study found that both gay men and lesbians are actually more likely to experience IBS symptoms than others, so want to give voice to their struggles. Luckily, for those who are afflicted, relief is just a flush away…
“Have a shower to get clean and relax.” — Euan in Scotland
“Bathe the [genitals].” — Mark in Glasgow, Scotland
It sounds like hygiene is a big thing in Scotland. Hot!
“I get in a good exercise.” — Jerry in Weathersfield, Connecticut
We know that certain body odors can stimulate attraction. If Jerry’s partners enjoy a musty man, they wouldn’t be the first.
“Depends. For a planned event with multiple partners, it’s a full shower shot until clear. For one guy, it’s a bulb 3-4 times until clear.” — Bill in Central New York
Busy, Bill!
“Every person is different, and preparation should take both your body and your routine into account. I’ve been married for 22 years, and we’re both versatile. In all that time, my husband has never douched and we’ve never had an unpleasant situation. I, on the other hand, need to prepare.
“When we’re at home, we usually have morning sex. My preparation starts early in the morning with my daily fiber intake. By the evening, I’m generally ready, and I finish my clean-up routine right before my bedtime shower. That makes sure I’m prepared for the next morning, since we’re intimate almost every day when we wake up.
“When we’re on vacation or weekend getaways, I have to be more intentional. I do small clean-ups throughout the day so I’m ready to engage anytime and often a few times throughout the day.
“It also helps to know which foods or beverages affect your gut and might require a ‘deeper cleaning.’ I know which foods impact me, but I don’t avoid the. I just plan for a more thorough clean-up when I’ve had them.
“Also, knowing and working with your biological clock makes a big difference. I’m a 10:00 a.m. bathroom person, and if I time things around that, the cleanup is minimal and usually just a quick, confidence-boost ‘one-pump’ rinse. But if I try to clean up before my natural time, it requires a much more intensive process.” — Andrew in New York City
Great advice, Andrew. Know your body, know your role, and know your hole. Sounds like a good mantra to us.
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