Gay son disowned by religious father writes blunt obituary after his dad’s passing

A man had his obituary to his late dad yanked from a website last week after he attempted to paint a fuller picture of his father. 

A firefighter named James J. Becker, 81, died in Milford, Connecticut on April 21, 2024. His family members posted a loving tribute on the website Legacy.com. 

Besides his work as a firefighter, Becker “enjoyed camping, road trips to Florida, playing card games, a hot game of Yahtzee, sipping a glass of wine or Southern Comfort on the deck with friends, watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy almost every night, or just relaxing with family.”

“However,” the tribute continued, “The part of Jim’s life that he valued most began on April 22, 1972, when he was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. He spent the next 52 years in worship to his God, Jehovah, and spent countless hours helping to teach others the beautiful truths that he learned from the Bible.”

Another part of the tribute said, “The quality many will most remember him fondly for though, was his love for people. He would often be the first person to show up when a friend or family member was in need and would do anything for anyone.”

Gay son speaks out

The obituary did not go down well with one surviving member of Becker’s family: His 42-year-old son, Timothy. 

Timothy, who is gay and married to a man, posted his own tribute to Legacy last week. 

He said, “The previous obituary written by the family was highly misleading. 

“It was accurate in saying that the part of James’ life that he valued most was his religion as a Jehovah’s Witness, but it failed to mention to what extent…this included disowning and shunning his adult son, Timothy, when he chose to leave the religion in October 2013.”

He goes on to say, “The previous obituary also failed to mention my cherished husband of eight years, Joseph McLaughlin whom they have chosen to never meet and refuse to acknowledge. They did not attend our wedding, never met out son when we fostered, and have never stepped foot into our home (even though our home is welcome to all!)”

The original obituary did, however, mention the “cherished” wives of Timothy’s brothers. 

The original obituary named Timothy as one of James’ surviving children, according to The Morning Call.

However, within a day of Timothy’s obituary going online, Legacy removed it. The website extended condolences to Timothy but said, “We are unable to publish this obituary as it references family conflict and includes negative references about the deceased.”

Timothy’s name now also doesn’t appear in the obituary published by the other family members. 

“The loss is truly theirs”

Timothy also wanted to publish his words in a local Sunday newspaper yesterday. However, it was also pulled before publication. 

Timothy says he’s OK with that. He told The Morning Call he’d made his point and writing his words had helped him. 

“Everyone I care to see it has seen it. It served its purpose, take control of the narrative.

“Writing that obituary was very cathartic.”

He said he also felt the need to speak out to give hope to others considering leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses. He says he’s leading a much happier life now with his husband by his side.

Timothy came out as gay to his parents at the age of 23. They didn’t shun him then provided he promised to remain celibate.

Three months after he left the Jehovah’s Witnesses, he met his future husband, Joseph.

Timothy ended his obituary by saying, “Finally, I must say that despite all the hurt they have caused, my life is full of love and happiness and that the loss is truly theirs.”