Gay Twitter™ is embroiled in a very important debate: Are mustaches actually hot?

We know that mustaches belong to the gays.

But here’s the real question: are they actually hot?

There is a debate over stashes that’s roiling on Gay Twitter (sorry, Elon, we’re still not calling it “X”), and some gays are taking the bold stance that mustaches, though an admirable display of self-expression, are not aesthetically pleasing.

The open exchange started when one user posted a screenshot of a new stashed Star Trek character, Sam Kirk (Captain James T. Kirk’s older brother). “In the LGBTQ+ community, there are two types of gays: pro-mustache and anti-mustache,” he writes.

For years, the mustache has been portrayed as sacrosanct; and thus, above criticism. Indeed, the mustache plays a central role in modern queer history and identity. Gays started to adopt the stash in in the mid-20th century, when it started to reappear on the outer edges of various counterculture movements.

As more mainstream, masculine actors adopted stashes in the 70s and 80s–think Burt Reynolds–their place in gay culture only grew. It became associated with sexual deviancy, thanks to its adoption by pornographic actors and the “Castro clones.”

Queen frontman Freddie Mercury’s stash was the most iconic of his era–if not all-time.

In more recent years, mustaches have taken on various meanings. Esquire says they “assert one’s free past,” but are also worn to “fit in.” Millennials started to adopt the stash as part of the dreadful “Movember” movement, and soon, hipsters all over college campuses were sporting their most ironic lip sweaters.

Then the pandemic hit, and mustaches once again surged in popularity. The quarantine stash represented the temporary collapse of societal and social norms, as well as socialization in general. They were the facial hair equivalent of the “Lol-Nothing-Matters” GIF.

Today, nearly 10% of U.S. men are sporting some sort of stash. But let’s get back to that central question: do they actually look, you know, good?

The gays are split.

You are very brave for saying this because so many of them are so bad but we all apparently have to pretend that’s not the case.— Admiral Snaccbar (@Chris_Mench) August 11, 2023

Always and forever pro mustache— johnny. (@itsjohnny81s) August 11, 2023

lately, ive been becoming more pro-moustache, depending on the face, but ive also almost always been pro goatee, depending on the face, and pro beard on pretty much most faces. also i find the shaved head and goatee or beard combo super hot, specially if the head is buffed— (@Chef_EZToon) August 11, 2023

I think it’s hard, but some guys (like the one in the pic) can really pull it off! Not many, though.— Faliscan Publishing (@faliscanpub) August 11, 2023

I like the mustache but it’s not a blanket statement for all mustaches.— Kaai Koki (@KaaiKoki) August 11, 2023

clean cut for the win!— hewantsthelsd (@HewantstheLSD) August 11, 2023

I’m crazy pro mustache— Wayne Vanderwoodsen #htx (@TheRealWanVan) August 11, 2023

Like most fashion trends, a mustache’s viability probably depends on who’s wearing it. The stash worked for James Franco, but not Justin Bieber. It looks better when it’s thick and bushy, rather than thin and scraggly.

This argument isn’t meant to dissuade anybody from growing their own mouth brow, by the way. As covered previously, the mustache is a vital part of queer history, and the most versatile facial hair around. It represents sexual expression and authority; conformity and freedom.

Mustaches can be iconic, which can’t be said about anybody’s five o’clock shadow.

But again, that doesn’t everyone should have them. Or should they? This debate will never be settled.

Always pro!— 6”4 BTM (@coffeespillerr) August 11, 2023

I am firmly in the anti-camp. They will kill my attraction to a guy so fast.— Eric Henson (@Arvenduri) August 10, 2023

I am definitely PRO mustache.— Temet Nosce (@UncleBudSea72) August 10, 2023

For me, it depends on the person. Some can carry it off and some can’t. Me, I can’t, I need the beard, too. Others look amazing.— Quest Bear (@quest_bear) August 11, 2023

It depends on the person really— (@anchovy_es) August 11, 2023

Pro mustache always!!— Mikehole (@MichaelDrummey) August 10, 2023