Help! Should I take this spicy college secret to my grave or confess to my ex?

In times like these, thank God for gay mess. We’ve talked before about the time one anonymous poster hooked up with his co-worker’s much younger son, as well as the tale of the White Lotus-esque snapchat misunderstanding. Today, we bring you a story of star-crossed hook-ups, past mistakes and the awkward dinner to end all awkward dinners.

Our tale begins when the original poster, X, meets Steve, and the two connect quickly. For nine months, everything goes swimmingly. They talk about their shared interests, open up to each other about their family dynamics, and generally get cozy. X enjoys learning that Steve has a gay brother and that the two are close.

“They have a healthy…relationship,” he explains, “which was very sweet and great to hear about a family with more than one gay/queer person.”

But there are certain pitfalls associated with this phenomenon as well—such as realizing that you might have slept with said younger brother in another timeline.

How about we take this to the next level?

Subscribe to our newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Subscribe to our Newsletter today

“Turns out, Steve’s brother…Tony, also went to the same college as I did, and in a similar department,” X writes. “Steve then jokingly asked if I’ve ever met Tony or hooked up with him, to which I said honestly, “probably not, since it’s a big school” and brushed it off since his name and description didn’t ring a bell.”

But when the time comes for X to meet the whole family—including Tony and Tony’s partner—he realizes that Tony’s face is uncomfortably familiar. Suddenly he remembers that he and Tony did, indeed, hook up during their college days. But they’re both in their 20s now, so it’s not that awkward. Right?

Wrong! Dinner with Tony and Steve proves an awkward experience, and now X is wondering if he needs to fess up. Though he and Steve did break up after nine months, he’s been considering getting back together. The question is: should he confess about the brother hook-up beforehand, or “take it to the grave and cut my losses.”

As you can probably imagine, commenters were torn. Honesty is often the best policy—but what about the kind of honesty that could ruin your chances to get back with the love of your life?

One poster encouraged X to come out with it, in a demure way, of course. “I would be careful with your wording when you bring it up and perhaps consider looping the younger brother in before you speak to him to get his opinion as well” he wrote, “seeing as the information literally affects him.”

Another said X should come clean “only if you intend on schtooping [sic] the younger brother again.” Helpful!

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” another poster said. “This was half a decade before you even met Steve. Personally I’d consider it a non-issue.” Another poster even included a helpful template for what to say.

“Secrets complicate things,” wrote someone else. “It would be unfortunate for the truth to come out at random some day down the road while everyone is perhaps having a few drinks.”

True enough: you’ve heard of The Telltale Heart? Get ready for the telltale “I f*cked your brother.” It’s a Family Stone situation waiting to happen!

“The real question is which brother is better in bed,” one commenter joked.

But the biggest surprise of all came from a poster who’s been on the other side of the equation.

“As someone who is gay and also has a gay brother close in age, I feel like I have a little bit of perspective here,” he began. “This is honestly a super common thing. The dating pool is small, especially when you’re in the same age range, same cities, same circles. Between me and my brother, we’ve both realized we’ve either liked, talked to, or hooked up with the same people at different points, and it’s never been awkward because we both understand it’s kind of inevitable.”

But even if it’s common, most commenters agreed that Steve should at least be aware of what happened and allowed to have his own reactions to it. If it’s meant to be, he’ll get past it. If it’s a bridge too far, it’s probably best for everyone to cut their losses.

Some secrets should absolutely be taken to the grave. But usually, in the realm of dating, it’s best to come clean. The truth will out eventually—it’s more a question of when, where, and how.

Related

That time Bravo launched a ‘Queer Eye’ spinoff with 3 gays & a lesbian, then abruptly canceled it
Who remembers ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Girl’?

Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.