JD Vance’s loser status somehow just sunk even lower

It’s been a wonderful week for Democrats, which means it’s been a very bad, extra-humiliating week for JD Vance, Vice President of Ranch Dressing and biggest loser (well, second biggest) of the 2026 midterms.

The Republican defeat at the polls was so immense, so humiliating, that even election deniers are keeping quiet about the blue tsunami. And in true Vance fashion, he’s not wasting any time mourning the unmitigated defeat of his abortive 2028 Presidential campaign. Instead, he’s passing the buck to Tr*mp by blaming the GOP’s loss on the Iran War, and meeting with some old friends via an AI-generated FaceTime layout. That’s right: it’s not a deepfake, it’s just incredibly stupid.

Although… is friendship really what’s going between Vance and manosphere menace Jake Paul? We’re not sure.

What we do know is that, in a humiliatingly stupid TikTok, Paul appears to call Vance to ask in advance for a pardon for what he’s about to do to some guy on Christmas Eve, at a scheduled fight in Dubai between Paul and actual MMA fighter Cédric Doumbé.

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Paul, a depressing representative of Tr*mpian masculinity, might have actually wanted to call the VP to ask advice about the only thing Vance is currently qualified to give: how to deal with having your entire a** handed to you in a fight.

But in the rigidly-staged, fiercely awkward video, Vance and Paul try to convince a dwindling number of viewers that the VP has any power left in the White House. Because if Democrats retaking both the House and Senate means that Tr*mp has no power left whatsoever, where do we think that leaves Vance?

Right at square one, as reigning mayor of Loserville, USA.

It truly is a sign of the times that even in the comments, Paul and Vance are getting ratio’ed like nobody’s business. “You’re losing this one bro,” one person joked, while another asked, “Are they dating?”

Honestly it would be a match made in loser heaven, albeit fairly unlikely.

Whatever this poorly-timed move is, it’s not detracting from the fact that Vance just proved himself to be a total turkey for 2028. Before this week, he looked like the hill establishment Republicans were prepared to die on. Today, it’s a different story—especially after Michigan Senate-elect Abdul El-Sayed took shots at him in his jubilant acceptance speech.

“JD, habibi” El-Sayed said in a now-historic callout. “There is this delicious irony in the fact that you are constitutionally obligated to swear me in in January.”

El-Sayed continues by calling out Vance and Tr*mp for their racist disinterest in pronouncing his name correctly. “D*n*ld, I know you struggle with my name,” he says. “So after JD swears me in in January, you can just go on and call me Senator.”

BOOM! Now that’s how you land a punch. If Paul should be calling anyone, it’s El-Sayed. He’s the only one who can offer advice on how to best your opponent in a match of brains, brain, and total badassery.

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