Kristi Noem praises dentist who helped clean up her filthy mouth in weirdest infomercial ever

Kristi Noem is desperately trying to be Donald Trump’s #2. But if that doesn’t work out, maybe the gay-hating South Dakota governor has a future shooting infomercials.

On social media Monday, Noem posted a bizarre four-plus minute video extolling the work of Smile Texas, a dentist’s office based in the Lone Star State. Noem says her front teeth were knocked out in a bicycling accident when she was younger, and has been trying to fix her smile ever since.

With no dentists apparently available in her home state, Noem visited Dr. Bret Davis and the team at Smile Texas. She says she landed in Houston at 2:00 a.m. (huh)? for the procedure.

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But hey, at least she’s happy with the results!

“I chose the team, because they’re the best,” she said. “They wanted to make sure I was happy with my smile, that it was going to work for me for the rest of my life.”

Now, a quick Google search confirms there are dentists in South Dakota, including multiple in Pierre, the state capital. Yet, Noem inexplicably traveled to Texas.

Thanks to draconian abortion bans, we’ve heard of women fleeing red states for reproductive healthcare. But a sitting governor leaving her state in search of new veneers? That’s a new one!

Noem says her desire for an improved smile dates back to her childhood. Her uncle was an orthodontist, and put braces on all of his nieces and nephews… except her. Rude!

She’s felt shortchanged ever since.

“When they first showed me with a mirror with my new teeth, I started to cry,” she said in the middle of the excruciating video. “I think that’s because I had an uncle who was an orthodontist. He did braces on all of his nieces and nephews. Everyone, except for me.”

“I remember being a little girl, and having him say, ‘Your teeth just aren’t bad enough.’ But even from that time, I knew that my teeth weren’t perfect. That they were OK, but they weren’t bad enough to fix.”

The anti-gay governor rambled on.

“It’s just been something that I’ve always thought and hoped I could address it, and have a confident smile,” she said. “When they showed my new teeth, I hugged Dr. Davis, and thanked him, and just started to cry.”

Sadly, Noem doesn’t possess the same sympathy for transgender children whom she’s attacked with bans on gender-affirming medical care. She saves all her pity for herself.

Unsurprisingly, her infomercial wasn’t well received…

Who told you this was a good idea?— Joshua Reed Eakle (@JoshEakle) March 12, 2024

This is an extremely bizarre thing for a governor to post— Nate Hochman (@njhochman) March 12, 2024

Does the governor of South Dakota know that you can get veneers in South Dakota pic.twitter.com/y4YcS6AM7l— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) March 12, 2024

It’s been a shameless few months for Noem, who really, really wants to be VP. A couple of weeks ago, she flew down to Mar-a-Lago for a private meeting with the disgraced ex-president, a prerequisite for anybody who wishes to be in his MAGA orbit.

In addition, Noem’s team has reached out to members of Mike Pence’s inner-circle for advice on how to cozy up to Trump… despite his supporters threatening to hang the ex-veep.

Back in South Dakota, meanwhile, Noem’s reign of grievance politics is backfiring. She was ordered to pay a transgender advocacy group $300,000 for wrongfully terminating a contract with the organization, and reprimanded by the largest Native American tribe in the state. The president of the Oglala Sioux Tribe banned Noem from stepping onto its land due to her extreme anti-immigrant rhetoric.

Noem, like other right-wing governors, has decided to insert herself into the immigration debate…even though South Dakota is over 1,000 miles away from the Southern border.

She traveled down to Texas, and brought out the dogwhistles.

Since assuming office in 2019, Noem has used her position to appeal to the MAGA base. Along with the aforementioned ban on gender-affirming care, she’s banned drag shows and opened up a “whistleblower hotline” that encourages the public to report anything “woke” happening at state colleges and universities.

In summation, she’s made it her mission as governor to ensure LGBTQ+ people are as marginalized as possible. But now, at least she’s doing it with a fresh smile. That should make everybody feel better!