Ted Cruz says Joe Biden is waging war on beer in embarrassing TV hit that would make Brett Kavanaugh blush

Move over Brett Kavanaugh! Ted Cruz is a real man, and he likes beer. OK?!?!

The gay-hating, attention-hungry senator appeared on Newsmax Wednesday to discuss the possibility of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) soon recommending that Americans drink only two alcoholic beverages per week.

A few days ago, the head of the NIAAA, Dr. George Koob, told the Daily Mail the U.S. could revise its alcohol guidelines in 2025 to be more in line with Canada, which recently suggested the two drinks per week threshold.

“I mean, they’re not going to go up, I’m pretty sure,” he said. “So, if [alcohol consumption guidelines] go in any direction, it would be toward Canada.”

This admission has sparked a whole new round of beer discourse (yay)!, with conservatives trying to make it seem as if Joe Biden will soon order Americans to cut down their alcohol consumption.

Never one to miss a chance to humiliate himself, Cruz railed against the Biden Administration during his TV appearance on second-rate Fox, coming off like a complete doofus.

First, he claimed Democrats are trying to “go after” ceiling fans. That’s right: Joe Biden is supposedly so evil, he wants his constituents to wilt under the heat!

“They’re trying to go after and regulate ceiling fans. Let me tell you: it’s hot in Texas. We don’t want to get rid of our ceiling fans,” declared Cruz.

Of course, there’s no evidence that Biden is planning on attacking the ceiling fan industry. That theory is so crazy, even far-right outlets aren’t spinning it that way.

Take Christian Broadcasting Network, for example. While CBN’s headline on the story contains a right-wing slant–“Ceiling fans latest appliance on Biden’s list, Republicans warn move could tank small businesses–” the article itself isn’t hysterical. The author says the Biden Administration is intent on making appliances, including fans, more energy efficient.

“The DOE changes would require standard ceiling fans to be more energy efficient, saving Americans approximately $39 over the life span of a new fan,” the article reads.

That’s a far cry from: “Joe Biden is declaring war on your ceiling fans!”

But Cruz, who also accused Barbie of spreading Chinese propaganda, isn’t one for subtleties. Then he turned his attention to the possibility the NIAAA could follow Canada when it comes to alcohol guidance.

“And now these idiots have come out and said ‘drink two beers a week,'” said Cruz. “That’s their guideline. Well, I gotta tell ya: if they want us to drink two beers a week, they can kiss my ass.”

Ah, Ted Cruz: always for the common man. Sure, he may side with big business virtually every time over woking people, but he believes regular folk have a right to get drunk, dammit!

If you want a beer in Texas, Ted Cruz will be right at your side… unless there’s a winter storm coming. Then he’s off to Cancun!

Even the Newsmax anchor, Eric Bolling, seemed taken aback by the buffoonery… as did the confused and definitely not coerced beer drinkers standing behind him.

“No, OK…Senator I brought a beer to drink…with ya. I’ll drink this non-alcoholic beer with ya, because I’m not allowed to drink on camera. But I’ll have a sip,” he stammered.

He’s pretty much the bottom of the barrel senator, just look at his voting record— mary sassin (@redwingschic) August 31, 2023

I drank 4 beers at work today and I didn’t need a group of guys behind me or a camera to do it — Memeface1000000 (@Memeface1000000) August 31, 2023

It’s been a beer-obsessed summer for Cruz, who’s still ripping Bud Light for partnering with Dylan Mulvaney for a March Madness ad campaign. Just last week, his office announced his intent to investigate Anheuser-Busch.

Since Republicans don’t possess subpoena power in the Senate right now, Cruz’s angry letter is nothing more than performative. But the man has no shame.

He also found a way Wednesday to turn the conversation back to Bud Light, making him come across as a dad who’s desperately trying to relate to his kids. (“Hey, how about that Bud Light, huh?“)

“Have you ever seen a brand do more damage to itself than Bud Light, which would single-handedly seem to destroy themselves,” he said, despite not being asked about it. “So I’m glad you’re not drinking a Bud Light. Personally, I’m fond of Shiner Bock. They’re a Texas brand. I’ve been to the Shiner brewery in Shiner, Texas, and I recommend it. I promise you, this is not alcohol-free beer down here.”

Yeehaw! It seems like Cruz is entering his party boy era.

How do you think that would’ve played on the Princeton debate team?

Probably about as well as Cruz’s sad attempts at likability.

Wow he is so relatable. He really is “just one of us” common folk. Gee golly— Mr. Beat (@beatmastermatt) August 31, 2023

I vote for Ted to drink 200 beers a week. He can single handedly revive Bud’s fortunes.— Rohit Gupta (@roh1) August 31, 2023