The airports are a hot mess for the July 4th weekend. Here’s how the gays are handling it

Whether it’s to Provincetown, Fire Island, Puerto Vallarta, or New Orleans, the Fourth of July has always been one of the biggest queer travel weekends. And with the the holiday falling on a Tuesday this year, that means we have a potential four-day weekend to get our hot dog on, if you’re lucky enough to get Monday off.

But don’t get too excited…

Many gay travelers have already been hitting the airport terminals to get a head-start on the party, only to be hit by a barrage of delays and cancellations.

This year in particular is shaping up to be one of the craziest travel weekends ever, with yesterday already a nightmare on the East Coast with nearly 3,000 delayed flights, and more than 800 cancellations by early afternoon, with no help from an influx of thunderstorms.

Ugh.

With COVID further and further behind us, more people have been bit by the travel bug, with the F.A.A. predicting that today (Thursday) may bring us airport traffic that breaks a pandemic-era record.

To meet the demand, airlines have been scheduling more flights than they can handle, said gay travel genie Pete Buttigieg (although some airlines feel it’s actually the shortage of air traffic controllers that is the problem).

Summer storms combined with high volume are leading to high levels of air travel disruption this week. DOT will continue our work to support passengers & promote resiliency in the airline system.

If you’re flying, be sure to check out https://t.co/1QkmVqmAaB to know your rights. pic.twitter.com/4BhaQuifqp— Secretary Pete Buttigieg (@SecretaryPete) June 28, 2023

Regardless, we’re bracing for things to be baaaaad.

Huge crowds. Bad weather. Problems with airline crews reaching their scheduling offices. On top of that, some planes may not be able to fly into the storms this weekend because of possible interference with 5G wireless service!

Needless to say, the gays are tweeting their reactions from airports around the country.

Realized mid Uber to the airport my work flight was cancelled so now I get to go wear my little gay speedo at the lake pic.twitter.com/rFKqx4JeOo— curlproblems (@curlproblems) June 27, 2022

Been traveling since 7 am Pacific, I’ve had 7 flight delays, and my flight is still only MAYBE gonna take off at 7:30 pm Mountain for a 10:15 pm Eastern arrival pic.twitter.com/vTGhU7RDEk— gay???? UNDEFEATED! (@is_she_okay) June 27, 2023

Luckily, if there one thing we’ve learned how to do, it’s conquer adversity, and there’s no delay or cancellation that will make us throw in the towel on our vacationing. In fact, we’ve noticed some common practices that LGBTQ+ people have adopted in order to make the most of the harrowing experience known as holiday air travel.

From passing time at the gate, to making the best of that long delay seated on the tarmac, we’ve had to learn to be creative in order to persevere through the drama and reach our gay mecca. Do you relate to these travel nightmare coping strategies?

We use Grindr at the gate knowing perfectly well there’s no place to actually hook up.

With no private spaces, throngs of people around us, and constant flight updates, just where exactly do we think these chats are going to lead to?

We flirt with flight attendants.

There’s something about those uniforms, mmmkay? And if we’re lucky, there may be a free drink or two in it for us!

We cruise hot straight guys at our gate.

When you’re desperate to fill the time, does it matter who’s gay anymore? Eye candy is eye candy.

We eviscerate Karen’s in our mind.

Every Karen hates the gays, and every gay hates the Karens. If we don’t want to create an actual scene, it can be just as satisfying to battle them in our minds.

We make our queerness known to others.

If we’re single, we may want the added excitement of wearing our queerness loud and proud, to entice that cute fellow passenger.

Traveling may be a pain this year, but part of being queer is harnessing our determination to overcome all obstacles and find a way to enjoy. So stay strong, be creative, and maybe you’ll even see some fireworks on that delay!