The mystery over Mitch McConnell’s whereabouts keeps getting deeper (and weirder)

It’s been over two months since Mitch McConnell vanished from the public eye, and the internet has officially spiraled from mild concern to full-blown Weekend at Bernie’s theories to genuine “OK, but seriously, where is he?” panic.

The Kentucky senator, who was first elected to the U.S. Senate in 1984 and has been consistently voting against LGBTQ+ rights ever since, has been completely MIA since checking into the hospital after reportedly suffering a fall at home on June 14.

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Three weeks later, on July 8, Kentucky’s Democratic Governor Andy Besehar sent McConnell a letter asking for an update on his health.

“Over the last several weeks, Kentuckians have grown increasingly concerned about the current state of your health and wellbeing, and ability to hold office in the United States Senate,” Beshear wrote. “As Governor, I request that you fully update Kentuckians regarding the current status of your health.”

This past Sunday, Beshear told CBS News’s “Face the Nation” he still hasn’t heard from the 84-year-old retiring senator. Not even an out-of-office reply or anything.

“I’ve heard absolutely nothing back from Mitch McConnell,” Beshear said. “And while I do hope that he is getting better, I’ve known him my entire life. I wish him no harm. I actually wish him good health. His boss are the people of Kentucky, and this is why the Senate—the Republican-controlled Senate—feels so broken. They feel like they’re not accountable to anyone.”

He continued, “All he needs to do is call into this show for two minutes, or Fox News for two minutes, or do a video for two minutes to the people he’s supposed to serve, but you know what? He absolutely refuses to do it.”

To be fair to Mitch, he did release a few “proof of life” summer photos a couple of weeks ago, and his office has given a few vague updates on his alleged recovery, including a statement on August 6 claiming he’s been keeping up with his physical therapy at home.

But since he hasn’t actually been seen by anyone outside his innermost circle, paired with his shaky track record on telling the truth, and the rise of deepfakes, plenty of folks are still unconvinced.

MAGA activist Laura Loomer also didn’t help matters when she took to the internet to claim–without any evidence, of course–that McConnell was “officially brain dead,” leading to even more speculation about his condition and whether he was even still alive.

One person who thinks everyone just needs to calm down is McConnell’s fellow gay-hating colleague, Senator Rand Paul, who told local reporters this week that he doesn’t understand why the American public is so curious about the physical status of an elected U.S. official.

“Everybody knows that he’s gotten older,” Paul said. “He’s had some falls and had some things. And anyone who has a relative that’s gotten older, it happens to all of us. I don’t know why people are [clamoring] for more details.”

He added, “I don’t think that’s anybody’s business, really. He already said he had a fall. He’s given an explanation for that.”

Of course, that’s pretty ironic coming from a guy who’s aggressively anti-trans, boasts a “100% pro-life” voting record, and acts like everyone else’s private medical decisions need his personal stamp of his approval first.

Oh, and let’s not forget about when he went on Newsmax in 2024 to speculate about then-president Joe Biden’s health, saying: “I think we can’t be certain that he is making the decisions that he has to as the president. There is much talk that Joe Biden [isn’t] running the country as we speak.”

“If you watch Newsmax, you’re not surprised. You’ve been seeing his decline. There’s been evidence of his decline for a long time.”

Late night comic Jimmy Fallon thinks he might have an idea as to where McConnell’s hiding. On his show Monday evening, he talked about how First Lady Melania Tr*mp also hasn’t been seen in quite a while either (30 days to be exact), and posed an interesting hypothesis: “No one has seen Melania. All I know is that it’s going to be crazy when we find out she ran off with Mitch McConnell. That’s gonna be bizarre.”

Bizarre, indeed!

The Senate is expected to return in less than a month. Whether McConnell will be in the chamber remains to be seen.

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