This cringy segment about polyamory on ‘The View’ is coming for you & your two boyfriends

Most of the women on The View consider themselves to be progressive stalwarts. Each day, they rail against Donald Trump and the Republican Party’s retrograde policies, especially in terms of bodily autonomy and sexual freedom.

But when the topic turns to polyamory, they would like to hit the breaks!

Whoopi Goldberg & Co. recently discussed New York Magazine’s deep dive into polyamorous relationships, and the conversation left a lot to be desired. The topic never even received a fair shake: Whoopi couldn’t stop laughing when describing the article.

How about we take this to the next level?

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“Some of these folks have been married for years, and the people want to find out navigate being in a relationship with more than one person,” she said. “Then I’m supposed to ask you all, are you open to this?”

The answer was unanimous: “Nope!”

Joy Behar argued Americans are too conservative to embrace the concept, though we can’t help but wonder if the legendary comedian was projecting?

“We’re too puritanical in this country,” she said. “Janet Jackson’s boob popped out, and the country went bananas. How many orgasms can one girl fake?”

While we admire Joy for her longstanding support of LGBTQ+ rights, we fear the octogenarian is showing her age on this one. Given that one in nine Americans have engaged in a polyamorous relationship, it’s fair to say millions of people in the U.S. are far more open to the arrangement than she thinks.

That’s especially the case when it comes to LGBTQ+ folx. Polls find 77% of bisexual and gay men and 56% of bisexual and lesbian women have been in some sort of consensually non-monogamous setup.

Now, it’s important to note that consensual non-monogamy is a broad term. It covers everything from open relationships to polyamory, along with arrangements in between. People can be monogamish, form a relationship escalator or adhere to a vee structure.

The key is experiencing compersion, the pleasure one derives from their partner enjoying sexual or romantic happiness with another person.

While every relationship is different, there is a big common denominator: consent. Polyamory goes both ways, despite what Sara Haines may think. In fact, the Bible of polyamory, Ethical Slut, was written by a woman.

And published in 1997!

“I know this applies to women and men, but when you read ‘ethical non-monogamy,’ weren’t you sitting there going, ‘A man definitely decided this?’ ‘I’m not gonna be monogamous, but it’s a good thing, and we’re fine!’ I can barely handle one,” she said.

Alyssa Farah Griffin followed up, saying she thinks both partners would never want to be polyamorous. Apparently, the Trump White House vet thinks romantic relationships are a zero-sum game.

“It is my belief there is no way one of the two partners in a polyamorous relationship isn’t actually jealous the other one is sleeping with someone else. They’re pretending,” she said.

Sunny Hostin, meanwhile, declared she’s close-minded, describing herself as a “cavewoman.”

“I know these people are more evolved than I am. I’m more cavewoman in my relationships, like ‘You are mine.’ That’s more me,” she said. “But what I don’t understand is, some of these people are married, have children and have jobs. How do you have the time to do that, with let alone one men, or several men and women?”

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, their very narrow, very heteronormative views on relationships show the prevalence of monogamy in American society. People in polyamorous relationships follow their own rules, not some glorification of the 1950s nuclear family.

With that in mind, it’s no secret why polyamory is so commonplace in the LGBTQ+ community. The practice is a sign of liberation.

But like all good trends, the straights are coming to steal it.

Come fulfill your polyamorous desires now, before it becomes the sexualized version of luxury condos.