This gay man perfectly explains why people need to stop complaining about lesbian parties
Just stop!
Mark
Between the Pride month Fletcher discourse, the Betty Who shenanigans of last month, and the Elizabeth Gilbert gay memoir reveal, the sapphics are having quite a moment. The discourse is swirling, and it feels like everyone has something to say about lesbians, for better or worse—and in this case, it’s usually for worse.
When one user came to TikTok to complain about going to a queer event that turned out to be a lesbian party, it ruffled some feathers, with good reason.
Now listen—for many of us, no matter our sexuality or gender identity, learning that an event is full of hot queer women is nothing to complain about. As long as the women in question aren’t TERFs, what’s the problem?
But apparently, some folks are taking the presence of lesbians to mean that everyone else in the community is excluded or unwelcome.
How about we take this to the next level?
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“Here I am leaving yet another queer party that’s actually a lesbian party,” the TikTok user complained in a clip.
Another user, however, is taking the time to thoughtfully clap back to their disgruntled missive.
“There are only 32 lesbian bars in the United States darling,” says gay fashion designer Zayer C (@houseofzayer), “so let me hold your hand when I tell you this: not everything is going to be for you.”
Correct. What’s more, it doesn’t have to be. The Lesbian Bar Project was created exactly for this reason: to raise awareness around the fact that lesbian bars have been closing around the country at alarming rates in the past decade, despite being strong sites of local community and support. In the 1980s, there were over a hundred thriving lesbian bars open across the country. Now, that number has dwindled to somewhere between 32 and 36.
“America has made us feel that being gay is…the top of the LGBTQ community,” Zayer continues, “but you need to take a step back and realize that not everything is for the gays, okay?”
In the same way that queer folks don’t appreciate straight folks assuming our spaces are automatically open to them, it’s understandable that lesbians want to create spaces that prioritize their identity and community. And that desire should be respected!
“It’s coming off as misogynistic and you need to understand that there are places for the girls. Not everything is for the gays,” Zayers adds. “And I am gay as f*ck, OK.”
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Exactly. Do we need to revisit the lesbians-fed-gay-men-soup-in-the-90s discourse? Because we can!
Even without taking the history of lesbian solidarity into account, we need more queer and lesbian spaces in general. More than that, we need more trans spaces, more sapphic Black spaces, more disability-friendly spaces—at this moment in history, we need spaces, period. What we don’t need is to assume that spaces that don’t prioritize our specific identity are somehow an affront or a form of exclusion. When we have more queer spaces that welcome all the many identities in our community, everybody is happy.
The commenters couldn’t agree more with this point.
“Meanwhile as a lesbian everywhere is a sausage party,” one woman noted.
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“When I attended queer parties I expect to see the gwolrs, the dolls, the gays, & the theys,” another poster wrote. “I hope he doesn’t feel like her is taking up space for the lesbians. You’re welcomed at QUEER parties.”
Exactly: even if a space is meant for sapphics, that doesn’t mean that queer folks in general aren’t allowed. Sapphic spaces are often very welcoming to everyone! But showing respect is the price of entry, and that’s just as it should be.
“We can’t have a space of our own without someone trying to shame us(the lesbian community) for not bring men into our spaces” another sapphic commenter said. “Like I wanna be in a space without men in the mix.”
Period.
“I’m a Mexican historian who specializes in lesbian history,” another commenter wrote. “I cannot tell you how many panels I’ve been on called ‘Queer Mexican history’ and it’s all about gay men and then there’s just me. The only one focusing on anyone outside of cis gay men.”
Sadly, even at this point in time, lesbian erasure—or at very least, lesbian elision—is all too common in scholarship and broader queer community discourse.
The bottom line is this: during a political moment like this one, we need to stand up for the entire community and respect everyone’s need to congregate, blow off steam, hook up, and enjoy themselves. When our enemies come for us, they’re not just coming for some of us. Eventually, they want to strip the rights away from everyone in the queer community. What we need to do now is stand together and make sure that doesn’t happen to any of us, before it starts affecting all of us.
In the mean time, be more like Zayer and stand with our sapphic sisters.
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