Car thieves, loaded guns, and wizard wands: Redditors share more Grindr horror stories

Usually, when we talk about dudes “packing heat,” we’re not talking about actual guns. And yet one of the Reddit users below found a loaded firearm in an unusual place during Grindr date, and his tale isn’t even the worst of the Grindr horror stories excerpted below.

From a recent Reddit thread about users’ worst Grindr experiences, here’s a selection of lowlights—starting with two meet-ups that were criminally bad and ending with a near-miss that inspired the subject to never settle. (These stories, by the way, have been edited for readability, brevity, and NSFW-ness.)

Also, it’s always a good idea to bone up on safety tips before you bone on Grindr.

The police standoff

“Met up, brought him home, everything seemed good. When I woke up, he was gone, along with my car. Long story short, he took my car ‘home’ with him. Led to a police standoff. He got away but abandoned the car, and it only needed minor repairs. Online dating is sketchy.”

The thieving twink

“A twink stole my car. I didn’t walk him out, and he swiped my keys off the table in my front hall, took the elevator down to the parking garage, clicked the unlock button to see which one it was, got in, and drove off. I didn’t notice it was gone until the next morning. I couldn’t find my keys, so I texted him to ask if he might have accidentally scooped them up with his keys/wallet/phone, etc. I got back, ‘OMG, I hope you don’t think I stole your car!’ So I thought, Hmm… well, that’s a weird thing to say. So I went down to the parking garage, and sure enough, no Jeep. I texted him back, and I got some weird response about how he needed to help his sister in a neighboring city, et cetera, et cetera. I had a friend find him on Grindr and figured out that he was only a couple miles away, so I told him he had 15 minutes to bring my car back before I called the cops. Exactly 15 minutes later, it was abandoned in my alley with the keys in the ignition, stinking of cigarettes and missing a couple grand worth of tools and Arc’teryx gear.”

Related: 4 Grindr dating horror stories that’ll keep you up at night

The couch surprise

“Weird guy who didn’t match his profile. Lots of red flags after we met, but I was so horny that I ignored them. We’re having sex on his couch, and … I reach out to brace myself against the arm of the couch and grab what I think is the TV remote under the pillows. It’s really a loaded 9 mm with the safety off. I almost shot both of us by accident. I was freaked out and started to get dressed. He was pissed that I was leaving and proceeded to lecture me on overreacting while also begging for me to finish him off.”

The surprise wife

“Dude I was with was telling me he needed to clean out. He was trying to get rid of his wife while I thought he was taking care of business. I walked out with a small hand towel wrapped around my crotch, dressed, and had to sneak out the back. 0/10 experience. I’ve always asked if they’re in a relationship since.”

The letdown

“At the time, I lived in a very small conservative town. Same guys on, most of them over 20 miles away. One day, this really attractive guy was on and less than 2,000 feet away. … I had him over to my apartment. Even though he was really attractive and had a nice body, there was zero chemistry there. I don’t know if he was as nervous as I was (I was super nervous during hookups at the time), but it felt like we were just going through the motions and neither one of us knew what we were doing. Finally, he asked where the bathroom was. He went to go pee for like 30 seconds, and he came out and told me he was going to head back to his friend’s apartment.”

The mum

“Hooked up with a guy probably in his 40s. I was around 19 at the time. And his mum came to the house. He didn’t tell her to come back another time but let her in while he made me hide behind the door. The whole time, he was trying to make her leave, and she just knew someone was there, asking, ‘Is there someone here? Why are you rushing me out?’ Safe to say, that was the last time I saw him.”

Related: Gay guys describe the times they found people they knew IRL on Grindr

The Insta-stalker

“I once got a random follow out of nowhere on Instagram. Then I began getting notifications every few seconds from this guy liking every single one of my posts, going back to posts I had made at least two years ago. I started getting creeped out and blocked him. Then, minutes later, I got a notification on Facebook from the same guy sending me a friend request. Blocked. That was when I finally got a notification on Grindr. There he was again, sending me a message. Blocked. The next day, I spotted a notification on Twitter. There he was again. Blocked. I’ve since decided it was best to delete any and all links to my social media from my dating profiles. Guy could not take a hint.”

The interruption

“My worst Grindr experience is through association. My flatmate had a very short fling with a guy, and he became obsessed with him, setting up fake profiles and stalking him online and offline. This carried on for a couple months, he tried to get me involved, but I was totally against it. … I’ll get to the point now. I was having a Grindr hook up at home, a long session with two hot tops … unaware that my flatmate was being questioned by two policemen for stalking before they searched the property and walked in on me getting double-penetrated.”

The wizard

“He pulled out a wand like a f*cking wizard and said he was taking out the spirits. … I felt like I had to follow through with it because he was my neighbor, and honestly, I didn’t know if he was an actual wizard or not, and I didn’t want to find out. … At first, I was like, Aw, this is kinda funny. He’s just a nerd. And then I realized he was being serious and then thought, Well, this is how I’m going to die. My poor mother hearing this in a courtroom is all I could think about.”

Related: Here’s where to find the highest percentage tops, bottoms, and vers hookups around the world