Melania goes MIA amid reports “Tr*mp’s Eva Braun” has been passing him weird & desperate notes

Tr*mp’s executive assistant Natalie Harp is all over the news, and Tr*mp is not happy about it. The problem of the press blowing up Harp’s spot, in fact, is the rare point where the president and the First Lady seem to agree—though for vastly different reasons.

Following Mitch McConnell’s lead, Melania has seemingly taken an extended break from Washington despite plans to build a reality show around her do-nothing FLOTUS presence.

But while her suspicious White House absence crests the 30-day mark, Harp is all too present and available in Tr*mp’s life. Some might say a little too available. Yesterday, we learned of reports that the “hopelessly in love” Harp actually slept in a gold club locker room and rode in the trunk of a car to be closer to her hero. Today, the presence of a new, disturbing note between Harp and the president has surfaced.

Over the weekend, the New York Times noticed something strange about Harp as she followed Tr*mp around a Scottish golf course. She was sprinting across the green in heels just to keep up with Tr*mp’s golf cart, which for some reason didn’t allow her the space to sit next to Tr*mp. To make things even more pathetic, the Times reported Harp wrote the president a note about what she saw as her shoddy performance on the course.

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“I also am sorry if I was an embarrassment walking the course in Scotland,” she wrote. “I want things to always be right between us. I also know I’ve been distracted all week (forgetting to eat throughout the days, and even forgetting to sleep, and only catching a couple hours at a time).”

Leave it to Natalie Harp to succumb to a case of Stockholm Syndrome in Scotland. The Times further reported that Harp, despite being a constant White House presence, is something of a loner, keeping her distance from everyone except Tr*mp. But the part about forgetting to eat and sleep—and apologizing for it—is a sign of the complete, fanatical obedience Tr*mp seems to require from anyone in his orbit, especially women.

It’s definitely a recipe for disaster, and we’re not surprised Melania wants to distance herself from this whole, weird deal. It’s definitely giving cartoon Disney villain and unrequited evil henchman, and it’s a pretty gross look for everyone involved. Even Harp’s brother, Preston Harp, believes that the relationship is 100% chaste, despite being 100% a humiliation ritual.

“Trump’s best friends are people who are his fan club,” he told CNN this week. “That’s probably why he likes her. And, like, she’s good-looking. She’s got a good personality… She thinks that he saved her life, so, like, somebody living with that kind of gratitude, that must feel pretty good.”

Meanwhile, Melania, a woman who’s had to put up with Tr*mp’s sh*t for more than 6 years, is taking an extended vacation while somebody else cleans up after the president for a change. Though something tells us that with all the recent, discomfiting press around “Tr*mp’s Eva Braun,” she may make her White House return sooner than expected.

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