Coming out behind bars: Man reveals how prison helped him embrace his true self

A man who may spend the rest of his life behind bars says it’s where he’s found the most personal freedom.

Eric Lively, who’s serving 15 years to life for second-degree murder, recently penned an essay about his gradual journey of self-acceptance. He says the Oscar-winning film Moonlight, which he watched on a Department of Correction-issued tablet, provided him with the courage to live his truth as a gay man in the bleakest of places.

“Seeing gay masculinity presented in context, both through the teenage lens, and the prisoner lens, hit home,” he writes. “I felt a seriousness in my self-examination, and an urgency to declare it.”

Eric’s story

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The story that Eric lays out mirrors the tales of closeted men everywhere. Growing up in a conservative military family, he didn’t think coming out as gay was an option. Having four kids at home only provided him with more reasons to, as he puts it, “hide in plain sight.”

While he says celling with an openly gay man prompted him to live more openly, he still concealed his truth to family. But that changed when he saw the portrayal of two formerly incarcerated men wrestling with their identities.

Moonlight, the 2017 Best Picture winner, chronicles the journeys of “Chiron” and “Kevin.” In particular, Eric cites André Holland’s performance as Kevin as the catalyst that drove him to look inward.

Now, he’s out to everyone in his life.

“For the first time in a long while, what others think or say about me can’t move me from my center of gravity,” he says. “I’m comfortable in my own skin.”

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Prison as an open closet

Eric spends a portion of his essay delving into the dynamics of men’s prison and how some inmates “tiptoe into their gay or bisexual truth[s].”

The hardened setting provides cover for plenty of justifications, the lack of available women first and foremost.

Still, Eric portrays the environment in prison as more sexually accepting than one might expect. He mentions the widespread availability of condoms, and how they provide inmates with a “disease free way” to experiment.

When reporting on two gay lovers who found each other while incarcerated, Queerty‘s Henry Giardina highlighted a post from a Redditor that also describes the seeming prevalence of contraception in certain facilities.

“The other inmates were saying how the gays f*ck a lot,” the poster wrote, “so the cops will come by and give out free lube and condoms to protect them from getting HIV, or other STDs.”

Since coming out, Eric doesn’t indicate he’s experienced homophobia from his peers. He says he feels no shame while walking to the condom dispenser.

Dating behind bars

The aforementioned lovers, who now own a food truck in Alabama, spilled the tea on their unexpected meet-cute in a series of viral TikToks. They met met in an Apalachicola, Florida prison, and embarked on a joint journey of sobriety and coming out.

“He was sitting on a bunk,” recalls one of the men. “I was walking around the dorm, like I usually do…and I was like ‘wow, that’s a very handsome man.’”

Kevin and Devyn Johnson have now been married for two years.

While finding love in prison is rare, it seems a little easier to find some frisky fun. A formerly incarcerated trans woman spilled the tea last year on her experience as a “f*cking sl*t.”

“I’m a trans woman that was in men’s prison for five years,” she begins, and “I was a f*cking sl*t b*tch.”

Dangers facing incarcerated LGBTQ+ people

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the stories we’ve mentioned in this article are outliers. LGBTQ+ people are overrepresented in the criminal justice system, getting arrested at roughly double the rate as straight people.

Of incarcerated LGBTQ+ people, 85% say they’ve been placed in solitary confinement.

Queer and trans women are incarcerated the highest rates.

Related

Trans woman spills the tea on her, ahem, unusual experience in a men’s prison: “I was a f*cking slut b*tch!”
This prison tale goes to some very unexpected places

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