A Reddit posting has prompted a debate among gay men regarding personal hygiene. It appears on the @LOLGrindr subreddit, where people post snaps of their Grindr conversations.
The man who posted asked, “Is it unreasonable to ask for a shower pre-hookup? ”
Accompanying the question were three screenshots in which he tries to encourage a Grindr hookup to have a shower before coming over. The man in question says he had a shower earlier in the day.
How about we take this to the next level?
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The host suggests a shower earlier in the day is not quite good enough. He says he’d really appreciate a fresh shower and says it’s a turn-on for him.
His potential guest says that if he were to take another shower, he then wouldn’t want to go out again. He suggests they arrange another time when he can go over to the guy’s house, shower and then hang out.
The undeterred host suggests, “How about this? You shower and I come over this time?”
His potential paramour cannot be persuaded, saying he’s only looking for sex and doesn’t “have the energy to get myself all spruced up.”
Brush teeth only?
In a last-ditch attempt, the host relents and says he’d be OK with the guy just brushing his teeth and coming over.
By now, the guy appears to have decided to rearrange for another day.
“We’ll do it another time when I can get ready to your standards ???? and so we can have more time to chill, or take pics together, or whatever fun we get up to ;)”
This led to the poster’s original question: Was he being unreasonable to ask the guy to shower before coming over?
A common courtesy?
The conversation prompted hundreds of comments. Most people accept that some guys have a kink for manly smells. However, the majority of those who replied appreciate hygiene and freshness.
“I mean, freshly showered and teeth brushed is a common courtesy for hookups, right? It’s not just me who does it?” was the most well-liked comment.
“It may just be the loud nature of kink communities, but it seems like nowadays people are really into post-gym, sweaty, musky stuff,” said another. “I’m not into feet, pits, or musk, so I much prefer a freshly showered person, but I can see why people are resistant if they’re into that.”
Many shared tales of men turning up who had obviously not washed body parts for some time.
Some felt the original poster had been a little pushy.
“The other homie wasn’t trying to be musky,” said one responder. “But he was just up front like ‘Hey I’m not tryna do all that if you wanna f*ck around rn but we can make it happen later” and [poster] ignored them and kept pushing for right then and there, which meant the homie wasn’t down to shower and do a whole thing.”
This user concurred, “I agree that being freshly showered and teeth brushed is important… but you’re not taking no for an answer here. He said he’s not in the mood to deal with it and he’s just looking to get off. Maybe he’ll find someone who’s into it, maybe he won’t, but it’s not you, so bid him goodnight and hit him up at a different time when he’s into giving you what you want.”
“Never lower your standards”
Another added that the poster shouldn’t have offered compromises.
“Never lower your standards, despite how horny you are.”
This was echoed by others: “My love, don’t sleep with someone who won’t shower for you” and “Too lazy to shower but not lazy enough for a f*ck.”
The debate raged on. Some said both had reasonably asserted their feelings and should be equally respected.
“Let me just say what a pleasure it is to see a post where two people, possibly strangers, have a freaking respectful conversation that emphasizes communication. It’s a rarity here, and Grindr. Good on you for sticking to your standards and on him for respecting them. Super hot!”
So, do you always expect a guy to be freshly showered before a hook-up? And do you always shower yourself just in advance?
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