Help! My boyfriend always wants to hook up in my childhood bed whenever we go home for the holidays

Hi Jake,

It’s almost time for the annual trip to my parent’s house for the holidays, which means only one thing… my boyfriend is going to try and have sex with me in my childhood bed.

This is the third year we’ve been together, and it’s tradition that we go to my parents house every year for the holiday. When I’m home, I’m usually not feeling all that sexual. For some reason, though, my boyfriend gets all horned up.

My mom likes to keep my room the way it’s always been, so it’s basically a time-capsule from when I was still living at home. I have the same childhood bed, strewn with the stuffed animals I’ve had since I was a kid, and a bunch of the weird toys that I never threw away.

Needless to say, it feels kinda creepy when my boyfriend wants to get frisky there. Do I need to get over it, or should I say something to him?

Not Into Child’s Play

Dear Not Into Child’s Play,

Whether or not to get down and dirty when you’re home for the holidays is a uniquely personal decision.

Your boyfriend could be turned on by the idea of being mischievous, or perhaps there’s some fantasy around “bedding the hot guy in his parents house” that gets ignited when you’re in your old abode. Your toy-strewn room might remind you of being a little kid, but for him it could have a completely different association that isn’t coming from an inappropriate or creepy place.

That said, even if your boyfriend has no disturbing motivations at all, it doesn’t mean you don’t have your own emotions about it. The important thing here is to vocalize your feelings and not second guess their validity.

It’s not exactly hot having relations when your mind is somewhere else anyway, so don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend to pour some cool water on his libido until you bolt.

If you’re concerned about making him feel like a perv, you can remind him that this has nothing to do with him. It’s about your own experience of being back where it all began.

By talking about the situation, you also may learn more about what’s driving your boyfriend so wild and it might put some of your uncomfortable feelings at ease. Perhaps he’s simply on edge around your parents and sex helps him relax?

Regardless, it’s hard enough to be thrown back into the dysfunction we call home, so try not to add even more pressure to that by taking on your boyfriend’s fantasies when they aren’t your own. The best sexual experiences always come from two engaged parties sharing equally in the encounter.

Doing the deed in the same place you learned how to tie your shoes may not be your thing, but if your man respects your needs, he’ll figure out a way to work through his disappointment.

By saying no, you’re saying yes to yourself… and to the Teddy Ruxpin in your room who’s innocent eyes will be spared.

Ask Jake is our advice column by Queerty editor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, please email jakemyers@queerty.com for consideration.