Cruising 101: What to know before heading out and hooking up
Whether in parks or other public spaces, cruising can be thrilling when done right.
Cruising has been a cornerstone of gay culture for decades, blending the thrill of spontaneity with the excitement of connection. Whether you’re a curious newbie or a seasoned pro, this guide to cruising will help you navigate the scene with confidence and safety while respecting the history and etiquette that makes cruising so uniquely queer.
What is cruising?
Cruising is the act of seeking casual sexual encounters, typically in public or semi-public spaces. While it might sound outdated in the era of hookup apps, it remains a thrilling, often liberating way to engage with others in a tactile, immediate way.
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Historically, cruising offered gay men a means of connection in a world that denied them safe spaces, and today, it persists as both a cultural practice and a rebellious reminder of queer resilience.
Popular cruising spots
Over the years, certain locations have become known as cruising hotspots. Some of the most common places to go cruising include:
- Parks and trails
- Public restrooms
- Gyms and saunas
- Bars and clubs
- Interstate rest stops
- Beaches
- Airports
Parks are often considered the ultimate cruising spot. In most major cities, there’s usually at least one park well-known in the gay community for this, offering lots of room to explore, a steady stream of visitors, hidden spots, and the bonus of being out in nature.
With the advent of dating apps and websites, traditional cruising has evolved. Dating and hook-up apps, like Grindr and SCRUFF, have made it easier to connect with potential partners in private, but they haven’t entirely replaced the art of cruising.
Other apps and sites, like Sniffies and Squirt.org, have even embraced the cruising culture, providing information on popular spots and connecting users in real-time. Forums on Reddit can also help identify local hotspots and provide insights into the scene.
Cruising etiquette and safety
While cruising can be exciting, it’s important to prioritize safety and respect for others. Here are some key tips:
- Be aware of local laws: Public sex is illegal in many places. Know the risks and potential consequences.
- Make eye contact: It all starts with a look. Prolonged, knowing glances signal interest while keeping things discreet.
- Use body language: Start with eye contact. A playful glance, a coy grin, or a lingering look are classic cues. Subtle positioning shifts can show interest—or not—without words.
- Come prepared: Bring condoms, lube, and anything else you might need. Even if you’re on PrEP or practicing other STI prevention methods, condoms are still a common courtesy for many partners.
- Dress for the occasion: Wear clothing that’s easy to take off and put back on—think loose shorts or simple pants without complicated belts.
- Respect the vibe: If someone doesn’t return your glance or engage with you, move on politely.
- Trust your instincts: Always be aware of escape routes in case a situation turns uncomfortable. If a situation feels unsafe, leave immediately.
Depending on where you are, the etiquette and safety measures can shift. For example, self-proclaimed “internet dad-boyfriend,” Jonah Wheeler, offers specific tips for steam room cruising etiquette.
Wheeler starts by pointing out that steam rooms are meant to be quiet spaces with very subtle cues. “Your first and most important goal is to figure out who’s not playing,” Wheeler says, before adding, “Some people are just here to sweat it out. That’s what the room was made for, those guys get first dibs.”
It can be tempting—even in predominantly gay spaces—to assume that everyone there is looking for some action, but that may not always be the case.
Enjoy the thrill of cruising (safely)
Cruising is a unique mix of excitement, spontaneity, and connection in the gay community, blending cultural tradition with a way to explore personal desires. It can be a thrilling experience, but it’s important to approach it with mindfulness and respect to ensure everyone has a positive experience.
Following basic etiquette—like respecting boundaries, prioritizing consent, and staying safe—is key.
Understanding modern tools like apps and the evolving cultural context of cruising can also help you navigate it confidently. It’s a chance to embrace adventure, celebrate individuality, and make meaningful connections, but always with awareness and care for yourself and others.
The goal? Balancing the fun of spontaneity with the responsibility to create safe, respectful experiences for everyone.
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