The Heated Rivalry craze has straight women asking very gay questions

It’s no secret that the saucy gay hockey drama Heated Rivalry is keeping the country in a chokehold, but the show’s wide appeal is something no one saw coming.

In the words of champion TikToker and Nicole Kidman scholar Nirupam, not only are gay men losing it each week over the exploits of Shane and Ilya, but girls and theys are also fully “fujoshiing out” over the show.

Which begs the question: is it disrespectful for straight women to fetishize gay men?

How about we take this to the next level?

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TikToker Judah Thee Glutelord (and boy does he live up to the name) presented the question to his audience recently, and the response was surprising.

“If you are one of the women…participating in the Heated Rivalry discussion online and you are very concerned about other women fetishizing gay men,” Judah says, “I appreciate the allyship…and I can’t speak for everybody…but I just don’t think that many of us are all that worried about that.”

While there are plenty of problems with straight men fetishizing lesbians—usually because of the power and privilege inherent in the male gaze—it’s a trickier assessment to make when genders are flipped. Back in the early 2010s, when the M/M literotica craze kicked off, there was plenty of discussion around whether or not it’s right for straight women to “cosplay” as gay men for the purpose of getting their rocks off.

“When you fetishize another’s sexuality, you make them less than. You make them Other,” wrote one queer woman for Lambda literary in response to the craze.

That’s true, but 2010 was a different political moment to today. Gay marriage wasn’t yet federally legalized, and the only out queer characters and love stories one could see on TV were on Glee. But today, during the spicy M/M smutissance, it’s a different story.

Fifteen years ago, it did feel weird that the only explicit queer love storieswere written by women, for women. But in a world where Heated Rivalry exists (not to mention shows like Heartstopper, Elité, and others) is there actually any harm in women getting in on the action?

“As a straight woman who has been reading MM romance for years, I find it more fulfilling that MF because I’m not comparing myself to the F,” one commenter stated. “I just get to love hot men in love and then go about my day.”

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Another commenter said that she was in it for the romance, not the sex. “It’s refreshing to see men be emotional,” she wrote.

Some lesbians even entered the chat, saying: “as a lesbian I love watching sword fights it’s so romantic.”

That it is! But one commenter hit on a deeper, more painful reality. “MM romance allows women to see a romantic situation where the two people are equal partners,” they said.

In many straight romances—even the most empowering kind—there are certain gendered expectations at play, and being reminded of the power imbalance can be a turnoff for women who would prefer to see a loving, truly equal dynamic. It might still be fetishization, but it’s the opposite flavor to the kind practiced by straight men who enjoy inauthentic representations of lesbian intimacy orchestrated for the male gaze.

The straight women who love Heated Rivalry—as well as other M/M romances—are coming to it not in spite of the characters’ struggles and personalities, but because those things add to the excitement of watching two gorgeous men get down.

And let’s not forget that people come to these kinds of stories for all kinds of reasons. “As a bisexual trans man,” writes one Redditor, “reading slash fanfiction (gay fanfiction) was one way I realized that I’m transgender.”

It’s not an uncommon story. Sometimes, fiction can be a gateway toward finding out what we desire, and who we are.

There’s no doubt that Heated Rivalry is about to bust down plenty of closet doors, and who knows? It could end up cracking a few eggs as well.

In general, more mainstream enjoyment of a queer show can only be a positive in this political climate. If nothing else, it means we’ll get way more seasons of Heated Rivalry, and that’s something we can all root for.

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