A sure cure for Cal Raleigh to end his slump: naked batting practice

Welcome back to Talkin’ Gaysball where you’re about to understand why we always show up early to watch batting practice…

It’s been a rough year for The Big Dumper.

After Cal Raleigh put together an historic 60-homer 2025 showing off his unique brand of gluteal maximal power that inspired all of Seattle to greet his every plate appearance with an “Oh my God, Becky…,” this season has thus far been The Dumper’s nemesis. 

Get off the sidelines and into the game

Our weekly playbook is packed with everything from locker room chatter to pressing LGBTQ sports issues.
Subscribe to our Newsletter today

A 41-game Sweatin’ to the Oldies video.

So far in 2026, Raleigh’s slashline has sat at a flat .161/.243/.317 with only seven home runs, including a ghastly 0-for-38 stretch at the plate leading into a May 12 game against the Astros.

The night before that contest, Raleigh decided to do a very ballplayer thing in order to break his slump, taking the advice of M’s teammate Logan Gilbert and showering in his uniform.

Baseball players tend to live by the credo: “If you suck, do something weird.” It briefly worked,  too, with Raleigh getting two hits that evening to snap out of his malaise.

Alas, two days after that, he went on the injured list with a right oblique strain. And honestly, if your obliques had to support that lower body 24-7, you’d be lucky to get out of bed.

In terms of answering Raleigh’s problems, the full-uni shower wasn’t it. Thankfully, as a writer who has a vested interest in singing the praises of The Big Dumper as often as possible, Your Friendly Neighborhood Baseball Gay has a better solution for his struggles.

And it comes from one of my favorite players of all time and someone who became a legend for snapping the most agonizing drought in baseball history: Anthony Rizzo, the heart and soul of the 2016 World Champion Cubs.

Did I spend 10 paragraphs of exposition just so I could type those last 12 words? Yes.

But trust me, I’m going somewhere with this. In honor of the 10th anniversary of the greatest World Series of all time, Rizzo has started a podcast about that season called “The Lovable Reunion.”

On a recent episode, the Cubs Captain revealed his method for breaking out of painful slumps similar to the one Raleigh has endured.

“When things got real dark and tough,” Rizzo remembered, “I knew I had something in my back pocket at all times.”

This sounds like it’s going to be good advice for The Big Dumper, though I also feel obligated to point out that Raleigh’s back pocket could double as the infield tarp. 

Rizzo continued: “A couple times a year…I would like to go into the cage and hit…naked. Commando. Fully naked.”

MLB teams spend millions of dollars a year on the most advanced tech to help their hitters: motion capture cameras, batting practice machines that simulate every pitcher’s delivery, launch angle trackers…

But it turns out that all a team needs to break hitters out of a slump is a Sean Cody subscription.

Related

The gayest thing at any MLB ballpark is Miami’s flamingo fever dream — and it’s been left to rot
Talkin’ Gaysball: Instead of letting their fabulously gay landmark wilt in the sun, the Marlins need to move the HR sculpture back into the ballpark.

Mariners’ Emo Night has everything for baseball gays, including eyeliner and existential dread
Talkin’ Gaysball: For all the gays who bought out Hot Topic’s eyeliner aisle, the M’s have a night for you. Plus: a wild Amber Glenn first pitch.

As Rizzo detailed it, there was a baseball method behind BP in the buff. “I’d pull my shorts all the way down —I was always commando underneath before I hit — and I would just work on my stride length off the tee.”

The difference between ballplayers and us boils down to this. Rizzo was concerned about tracking his stride length whereas we would watch a clip of this and focus on a…different measurement. 

Some of us even prefer their stride length uncut.

During each session, Rizzo would completely commit to the bit, describing vigorous clothing-free hip swivels, full cuts off the tee, and occasionally falling to one knee on his follow though.

It sounded majestic.

After Rizzo made this revelation, his former teammate and co-host David Ross chimed in: “I remember walking in [on him] in Pittsburgh. I’ve got a photo on my phone — ‘Well, there’s Anthony’s a** again.’”

I think I speak for all of us when I say that if The Big Dumper attempted the Rizzo method, there’s not a camera on the planet with enough pixels to do him justice.

Was it effective? Rizzo adamantly insisted, “I had a 100% success rate every time I hit naked! A 100% success rate!”

The numbers backed him up. During the 2016 season, Rizzo annihilated the league with a fearsome .292/.385/.544 and 32 homers. He was one of the Cubs’ biggest weapons throughout their World Series run.

Raleigh can be that kind of player again to help the Mariners end their own October drought. 

But if he wants to put a halt his slump once and for all after he gets healthy again, Raleigh also needs to realize that nothing should hold The Big Dumper back. Especially not his pants.

Subscribe to the Outsports newsletter to keep up with your favorite out athletes, inspiring LGBTQ sports stories, and more.