Are these kink-shamed behaviors actually pretty vanilla?

Kink is becoming more visible and more discussed in modern-day society, and yet there are still people yucking others’ yums—i.e. shaming consensual, safe, kinky play.

In a 2020 Psychology Today essay, sex and relationship therapist Elyssa Rice, LMFT, explains that our understanding of sex contributes to a “worldview for how sex is supposed to look, and when confronted with practices that do not align with our views, it is easy to step into a place of judgment.”

And in a 2022 Hypebae explainer about kink-shaming, sexpert Gigi Fong writes, “In the world of kink, there’s always something new to explore, so approaching kink with an open mind is key. Remember, kink is consensual sexual play, so if all parties are of age, give enthusiastic consent and practice kink safely, one should refrain from shaming it.”

But what kink-shaming targets aren’t actually that kinky? Redditors on the r/AskGayMen subreddit have thoughts.

Here are those gay Redditors’ nominations for not-so-kinky-yet-still-kink-shamed behaviors.

“I think feet are pretty tame and get a lot of flack. I don’t have a foot fetish, but I don’t see the issue, considering how common it is.”

“It’s funny, too, because you can like every part of the body including feet and still be labeled as a foot person.”

“Yeah, foot stuff is super tame, but vanilla people treat it like it’s the freakiest or most strange thing ever, lmao. I’m not into feet, but I have a thing for someone wearing certain styles of shoes, which I think is vastly more strange and uncommon.”

“Eating butt. Straight people treat it like you are eating actual sh*t on a plate. I have a female coworker that everyone gives a hard time because she admitted to eating a guy’s ass once. Meanwhile, I will eat a guy out for an hour and love every minute of it. I’m pretty sure everything we gays do is seen as shameful or extreme to straight people, though.”

“Musk. If I like the smell of a man right after he got himself all worked up and sweaty, that’s my deal.”

“The only kinks that are vanilla to me are stuff like exhibitionism and voyeurism.”

“I’m very kinky, and I’m into a lot of sh*t. For me, choking is vanilla.”

“Furries seem to inspire an incomprehensible fury in people.”

“Swallowing. I feel that if you’re going to suck, enjoy your reward!”

“I’m a gay man, so this is vanilla for me, but pegging in the hetero couple sense. I know so many women who peg their boyfriends/husbands, and I’m here for it! I don’t look at them as less of a man but more of an adventurous man who can have fun and let the lady take the more ‘dominant’ role. It’s so vanilla in the gay male community, but when it comes to heterosexual sex, taboo.”

“Frottage is the most vanilla as gay sex goes and gets flack.”

“A lot of straight people see anal as such a taboo way to have sex, so I guess that.”