Be direct, approach with confidence & plop down your credit card: Gays share their favorites ways to ask guys out

We’ve already established we’re not taking dating advice from a billionaire MAGA donor who believes the best way to dazzle a single gal is asking her, “May I meet you?”

Yeah… not creepy at all. We’re calling the police!

Besides, gay dating and straight dating are different beasts. A New York gay went viral recently for bemoaning the challenges of dating in New York City, which seems ridiculous on its face. New York is the gay capital of the world. There are more available men on a single block in Hell’s Kitchen than in entire states!

But his much-maligned grievance brings up a larger point: as queer people, we are outnumbered. As a result, we deal with a significantly smaller dating pool.

How about we take this to the next level?

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That’s why it’s imperative to not screw it up!

We kid, we kid. But seriously… in the age of hookup apps, how do you meet someone? We asked a group of experts, and found out messaging them on Sniffies isn’t usually enough.

Sorry!

This week, Queerty readers told us the best way to ask guys out. Here’s what they had to say…

What’s the best way to ask a guy out?

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“Just keep it simple. Can I have your number? Want to go on a date?” — Michael from Brown University

We see that Michael is putting his Ivy League education to good use. Approaching someone IRL and gauging their interest in a date or continued correspondence? You’re a revolutionary! In a world of AI wingmen and catfishes, the dating landscape can seem impersonal and demoralizing. But beneath the digital slop, real men do still exist, and they will ask for your number. Our faith is restored!

“No tiptoeing around it. Be direct!” — Randy in Ohio

No fakes, no flakes, no games. Sounds like a pretty good rule to us. Though our ruminating says otherwise, people can’t read our minds. The best way to find out whether someone is interested is asking them.

“I’ve always been preferential to cozying up at a good coffee shop in the ‘gay’ part of town and scanning the store to see what people are reading. The hit rate isn’t as high, but the chances of stimulating conversation are.” — James in Bethesda, Maryland

James just elevated the interpersonal game. He’s not only advising bachelors to approach prospective partners in person. He’s suggesting… posting up in public and talking to strangers?! But the screen of our smart phone is so safe!

Indeed, for James’ plan to work, one must have their eyes away from the screen and fixated on judging a book cover. It’s really no different than “liking” an acquaintance’s Instagram story, in a way. Except, maybe the interaction will produce an everlasting bond. Imagine that!

“Eye contact… duh!” — Logan in Mexico City

Simple, yet important. A pickup line doesn’t hit quite as hard when the initiator is staring at the ground!

“Be up front and ask them out! Get off the phones, and meet in real life! Worst case scenario, they say no, best case scenario is the say yes and then some.” — Pablo in Brooklyn, New York

When you phrase it like that… our intrusive thoughts suddenly don’t seem so powerful. Exposure theory is a proven way to help people confront their fears. Part of the process is sitting with discomfort. “Yes, the worst case scenario may happen, and that’s OK.” In this case, that would be the other person saying “no.” Given the upside, sounds pretty low risk!

“I ask hot guys on the apps to come over and then we hook up. If there’s a connection, maybe we’ll grab a drink or something, or just hang out and play video games.” Brett in Kansas City, Missouri

Brett is far from alone. With 15 million monthly active users, the Grindr grid is often the hottest gay bat in town. Scroll away!

“First, casual conversation, usually about the location we’re both in. Then I ask, ‘By the way, what’s your name?’ Then I tell him mine. Then I say, ‘You’re very attractive; any chance you might be single?’ If the answer is yes, I take out my wallet, remove the piece of paper in it that has my contact info, hand it to him and say, ‘If you’d like to have lunch sometime, let me know.’ Then I say, ‘Very nice meeting you and speaking with you.’ This way there’s no pressure, and if he does contact me, it’s win-win; if he doesn’t, I shrug it off.” — Matt in Plainview, New York

We appreciate the step-by-step advice. Who needs an AI wingman when Matt is around?

“Ask him what’s his favorite restaurant and if he’s interested for dinner there with you next weekend.” — Ronny in Houston, Texas

Ronny doesn’t play around–he goes right for dinner! We love a man who knows what he wants on his plate, and it seems like Ronny isn’t afraid to do the hunting himself. We’d expect nothing less from a Texan!

“I never ask for dinner, drink or anything involving restaurants. Too formal and stuffy. Asking them to go on a walk, hike or do something active is less committal and costly. Plus, you’re out doing something and experiencing the world.” — Jet in Washington State

On the flip side, we have Jet, who prefers his first dates away from the dining room. We see his point, dinner and drinks can be forced, never mind expensive. Taking a walk or doing something more low key removes the pressure. It could also spur conversation.

‘What are you drinking?’ Usually does the trick.” — Chris in Charlotte

Another way to spur conversation. After a couple of cocktails, our mouth can’t stop moving!

“I ask guys out by plopping down my Black Amex.” — Daddy from your Dreams

We’ve woken up from a restful slumber!

“To his face. What you get is what you see with your own eyes and brain. In person, face to face. Thanks for the chance to respond. I’m missing some dear friends and I hope this helps someone else in need.” — Scott in Vancouver Island

Awe, Scott… thank you for responding. We will put that advice to good use.

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