Help! I went to a creepy doctor who kept asking strange questions involving… diapers??
"When I got to the office, I immediately picked up on a strange vibe. The doctor seemed sort of frenetic, and I felt a bit of predator energy."
Hi Jake,
I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for a long time, and after years of resisting, I finally decided to see a psychiatrist for the first time. Let’s just say, the first visit was… weird.
When I got to the office, I immediately picked up on a strange vibe. The doctor seemed sort of frenetic, and I felt a bit of predator energy. He knew I was gay from my intake paperwork, and I assumed he was gay too because he said he specialized in working with the gay population on his website.
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He informed me that the first session was going to be a lot of assessment, which I understood, but the questioning became really strange. First, he asked about my physical appearance and sexual health, which seemed more like something that happens at a primary care visit, not a psychiatrist. He wanted to know my weight and height, and asked about my sexual history.
Then he started asking me how many times I get up in the night to pee. He asked if I sometimes can’t hold it, and wanted to know what I do in those situations. He even asked if I’ve ever worn a diaper! It was totally out of the blue.
I joked that the only experience I’ve had with diapers was that my grandfather had to wear one, and he started asking me all sorts of questions about that, including if I’ve ever changed the diaper myself. (For the record: I haven’t!)
I managed to stay through the end of the session, but I’ve never been so creeped out in my life after a medical appointment. Am I overreacting, or was this as inappropriate as it felt?
Not on Diaper Duty
Dear Not on Diaper Duty,
Just like a dirty diaper, it sounds like your healthcare team needs immediate changing.
A doctor’s office is a place you’re meant to feel safe and contained, not uncomfortable and disturbed. It’s an unfortunate reality that not every professional with a license should have one, and some odd ducks slip through the cracks.
Your experience sounds not only bizarre, but highly inappropriate. Although the protocol for in intake is different at every office, I get the sense this doctor might have been asking inappropriate questions of a sexual nature in order to engage his own fantasies about you, rather than containing any attraction towards you with appropriate boundaries.
That said, it’s never okay to engage in these desires in a professional setting, much less a healthcare office. Crossing boundaries to sexually objectify a client is not only unethical, it’s illegal. And, like you said, creepy!
What I’m most sad about in this situation is that you finally made the difficult decision to get help for your depression and anxiety, and instead of finding treatment and relief, your symptoms were probably exacerbated. I encourage you to not give up, and don’t let this impede your journey towards wellness. I assure you that most professionals out there are just that, professional, and truly want to help.
It’s not worth spending any more time, money, or energy at this particular office. I’d forgo a second session, and instead get a trusted referral from a friend or primary care doctor (you could also reach out to a reputable LGBTQ+ therapy service for some ideas).
You might even want to think about whether or not a license governing board should be aware of your experience, in case a formal report might help save other patients from experiencing something like you did.
I’m sorry that you had such a disheartening experience after finally reaching out for help. Sadly, when you sense something creepy about someone, it’s most likely accurate, and it’s a good idea to listen to those intuitions.
I’m glad you made it through the session, but now, it’s time to break out the baby wipes and start fresh.
Ask Jake is our advice column by Queerty editor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, please email jakemyers@queerty.com for consideration.
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