Mike Pence’s cringey debate performance included G-rated sex jokes & a promise to repeal a law that doesn’t exist

Mike Pence is promising to enact a bold conservative agenda in the impossible chance he becomes president, beginning with repealing a piece of legislation that’s never actually been signed into law.

What a visionary!

Seven non-viable Republican candidates took the stage Wednesday at the Ronald Reagan library for their second debate, and all of them came across as lightweights. Nikki Haley and Tim Scott argued about curtains; Ron “Don’t Say Gay” DeSantis smiled awkwardly; Doug Burgum tried to talk.

But nobody appeared smaller than the former vice president, who’s currently polling at 6%. At one point, Pence promised he would be repeal the Green New Deal, the lofty catch-all climate resolution that Democrats proposed in 2019.

That sounds like a nice plan… except for the fact it’s never even passed a single chamber of Congress.

Could Pence really be that clueless? Os he just trying to play the GOP base, who he thinks are that clueless? Maybe both? Regardless, neither answer is flattering.

AOC somehow got it passed and signed??? Damn!!— Isiah (@forevertawl) September 28, 2023

It’s been an arduous campaign for Pence, one of the few politicians who holds the unique distinction of being loathed by the left and right. Democrats don’t like him for his arch-conservatism and anti-LGBTQ+ stances, and Republicans don’t like him because he didn’t throw the election for Donald Trump.

It also doesn’t help that Pence comes across as a Heritage Foundation cyborg. He’s tried to counter that narrative multiple times, such as when he posed for a staged photo op inside an empty Dunkin’ Donuts, or when he pretended to pump gas into a big red pickup truck.

Shockingly, neither stunt worked! These days, Pence can be found spouting Reagan-era talking points to virtually nobody in Iowa.

On Wednesday, Pence decided to try his stand-up routine in front of a national audience, and didn’t nary a single laugh from his fellow right-wingers.

Even his line about banging a teacher didn’t land! (By the way, does Mother know about this salacious behavior?!)

“My wife, uh, isn’t a member of the teachers’ union, but I’ve got to admit, I’ve been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years,” Pence stammered to a stunned audience.

Ew.

Mike Pence: “My wife isn’t a member of the teachers union, but I’ve got to admit I’ve been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years. Full disclosure.” pic.twitter.com/Ab4xNiyM3B— The Recount (@therecount) September 28, 2023

By far the most uncomfortable someone has ever been telling a sex joke.— CPA (@MrMet_CPA) September 28, 2023

Ugh, did Mother approve this joke?— E Perkins (@Epers) September 28, 2023

He literally means sleeping, y’all.
Fully clothed, in separate beds in the same room.— Mir (Read a book, not ban a book) (@Mir_SCS) September 28, 2023

In terms of G-rated material, Pence quipped about sending Joe Biden from the picket line to “unemployment line,” and said he was in Congress for 12 years… though “it felt a lot longer.”

Get it?! Because being in the government is awful! Now, vote this man for president!!

This is painful. Not even courtesy laughs.— Maude Wallace (@aforbush) September 28, 2023

Cringe— Scottie Hudson (@ScotterGa) September 28, 2023

Per usual, Pence paired his cringeworthy one-liners with malevolent policy proposals. When asked about the violence perpetrated against transgender Americans, the anti-LGBTQ+ candidate vowed to ban gender-affirming surgery.

(Sadly, that wasn’t even the most vicious attack on transgender people Wednesday night. Windbag 9/11 Truther/entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy called “transgenderism” a “mental health disorder.”)

For what it’s worth, I think he meant to say for minors, but this is serious enough to report verbatim in case my subjective interpretation is incorrect.— Ari Drennen (@AriDrennen) September 28, 2023

And this was in response to a question about rising hate crimes against LGBT people!!— naomi (@andletmejustsay) September 28, 2023

The perfect encapsulation of Pence’s repellent political package came when he was asked whether the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. Instead of answering the question, he bizarrely went on a tangent about how all mass shooters should be given the death penalty.

He’s empty, awkward and barbaric. The triple crown.

For those wondering, Pence’s encore performance will probably come during the third GOP debate November 8. Until then, we’ll see him at the bottom of the polls!