“Not the trade calling!”: The gays are all thinking the same exact thing about Lindsey Graham’s death

Fabled anti-LGBTQ+ South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham’s death was not something anyone had on their MAGA Bingo card. His passing has been an unexpected blow to the Republicans’ slender hold on the U.S. Senate.

Graham was reviled for many things, his anti-gay rhetoric and proud Tr*mp support being high on the list. But of all the hypocritical, dastardly marks on Graham’s legacy, one rumor stands out. The gay one, naturally.

The late senator’s alleged closeted status has been whispered about for years, and in the wake of his death, at least one person has come clean about Graham’s alleged less-than-hetero bedroom exploits. But with or without any “proof” of Graham’s queerness, one thing is certain: LGBTQ+ people are taking this opportunity to expound (hilariously!) on one huge gap in the whole case.

Namely: if Graham wasn’t married, didn’t have kids, and reportedly lived alone, who exactly called the paramedics when he suffered a cardiac arrest event in the middle of the night last Saturday?

Politics, but make it gay!

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“Not the trade calling!” Joked gay TikToker Michael Foote.

I mean…

While the question is legitimate, many of the satirical responses to Graham’s death have been incredibly unserious. Consider one TikToker who joked that he got access to the 911 tapes of the call… featuring a gay s*x worker named “Troy.”

“I don’t know his name I just know him by his screen name,” he jokes. “Tr*mp Dumpster.”

The whole scenario is definitely giving shades of The Birdcage, which famously opens with the death of an openly racist politician caught in bed with a Black sex worker. They say real life is stranger than fiction, and in the current era that’s constantly proving true. For Tr*mp’s cronies, real life is also way more on the nose than fiction could ever get away with being.

We don’t know who exactly called the paramedics for Graham in the middle of the night, and we’re not likely to find out. But for now, we’re all taking the time to speculate on the identity of the fictional twink at the scene.

One poster even joked that Grindr had plans to commemorate Graham for his dedicated use of the app. “They’re going to retire [his profile] into the Grindr hall of fame,” he quipped.

“I will not fact check this,” one commenter claimed. “I will be telling everyone.”

When your closet is made of glass, you can’t blame people for peering in. Even Oh, Mary! auteur Cole Escola had jokes for Graham—granted, they made them before Graham’s passing. When asked on a recent episode of Amy Poehler’s “Good Hang” podcast what living politician Escola would want to play Mary Todd Lincoln, Escola name-checked Graham without missing a beat.

Escola joked that Graham’s time in the “bratty curls” and hoop skirts would have him reflecting on his identity, and potentially apologizing to the gay community he demonized.

Sadly, we don’t live in a world where Lindsey Graham lived to get in touch with his true identity via a crossdressing take on one of America’s First Ladies. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if we did?

It appears Graham didn’t just miss out on living an honest, happy, healthy life. He missed out on enjoying the jokes this community is famous for. Now, he’ll forever be the butt of them.

Related

Nancy Mace slammed for classless Godfather tweet in response to Lindsey Graham’s death
“This is an insane way to react to someone’s death,” said one commentator.

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