This guy’s laundry list of “dating-nots” is going viral because the internalized homophobia is *real*
This guy's laundry list of complaints about the gay community on Hinge proves that internalized homophobia is alive and real. :-/
If love is a battlefield, LGBTQ+ dating apps might just be the apocalypse.
So, when Gay Twitter X user @13tslover encountered a man with a laundry-list of “You should *not* go out with me if”s on Hinge, he did what any self-respecting gay would do.
He shared a screenshot on social media to put this potential suitor’s red flags on blast.
The unnamed man’s profile said he is not interesting in dating any LGBTQ+ guy who is “into gay events/spaces (fire island, gay bars, gay orgs),” wears “non-traditional male/gender neutral clothing,” paints their nails, or has “had a history of non-monogamy.”
Oop, watch out queen! Your internalized homophobia is showing.
The tweet, which has received over 275,000 views and 1,300 likes as of this writing, attracted an outpouring of responses from other users who pointed out how a distaste for traditionally gay things is, well, kind of anti-gay.
The definition of internalized homophobia and unresolved trauma
— Justin (@justinadamsxxx) October 30, 2023
That person making their weekly schedule: pic.twitter.com/rpuvYPDYoi— Zacary
(@ZacaryWITHnoH) October 30, 2023
Furthermore, the critiquing of traditionally safe spaces for the LGBTQ+ community (like Fire Island and gay bars) echoes conservative talking points that politicize drag and trans youth. Not to mention, our right to love whom we love.
Ron “Don’t Say Gay” DeSantis, is this your burner account?
Crazy thing is that this is log cabin coded, but a lot of guys at gay events+circuit parties and fire island are actually conservatives
— Dom Holland (@AidenTyler) October 30, 2023
lemme guess – he put his political views as “moderate”— Jason (@jasonsbadtakes) October 30, 2023
Still, the point that we’re hung up on is “non-traditional male/gender neutral clothing.”
Is that an anti-jockstrap and speedo agenda? What if it used to be a women’s leather jacket, but it was misracked in the men’s section when you thrifted it? And are we policing crop tops now, too?
Ah, yes, the “traditional male clothing.”
ready for the pheasant hunt. pic.twitter.com/YDcI22AAjG— Headero (@GetHeadero) October 30, 2023
The gendered clothing thing always gets me… like pic.twitter.com/gguEtFmkKF— Chick’n Nugget (@Not_that_Jeff) October 30, 2023
That being said, there’s no wrong or right way to be queer.
And as X user @acyplakov pointed out, this dating profile wasn’t necessarily bashing these things, but trying to find a mate who shared his interests.
I’m not into any of these things and yet I don’t hate myself as a gay male. Not everyone has to have the same social activities or be into the same things as you, and it doesn’t mean they hate themselves or others. The post also said ‘go out with me’, as in romantic partner.— Aleksandr V. Cyplakov (@acyplakov) October 30, 2023
Plus, as @b0sbottom pointed out, there’s certainly tribalism and exclusion within gay events and spaces, especially against those without bodybuilder physiques.
As alienating as that is, we also see regular examples in our communities that exclude those who are not white, upper class, fit, hung, etc.— Thomas (@b0sbottom) October 31, 2023
Furthermore, feminine-presenting gays may have it the hardest.
According to a study from The University of Sydney earlier this year, “both gay men and heterosexual men prefer masculine over feminine gay men” for high-status roles.
Not only did the research suggest fem guys may face potential discrimination in the workplace. It also showed an “implicit bias among gay men as a community.” Can we ever win?!
In a community plagued with “pick-me” gays, the Kinsey scale, and politics, we may never see eye-to-eye here.
But at least we can agree on one thing: we’re happy this guy on Hinge used the right form of “you’re.”
Check out more reactions from social media below.
My reply: I won’t date someone that hasn’t been in therapy.— JMV — Australia Nov 20-Dec 2nd (@theonlyjmvx) October 30, 2023
Sorry for being fun— Designated Bottom (@BabelTweetsPDX) October 30, 2023
that leaves like 2 guys and they’re in south dakota— Adrian Rojas Elliot (@adrianelliot) October 30, 2023
It’s he cute? Share so we know who to avoid— HereIAmItsMeD (@HereIAmItsMe) October 31, 2023
he’s conflating so many things that don’t even make sense or go together like ????— penelope tate’s bitch (@lilchaosfairy) October 30, 2023
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