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Why are so many people roasting this gay throuple on TikTok?
Meet Adam, Zeke and Derrick
TikTok and Instagram are awash with cute couples posting videos about their lives and travels together. However, add a third to that mix and the tone shifts considerably.
That’s what Vancouver resident Adam Joshua found out after he and his boyfriend entered into a throuple arrangement with another dude.
Adam, 27, is an engineer in training. In February 2017, in his first year at engineering school, he met Zeke, now 24 and also an engineer. The two began dating. Last summer, they met Derrick through mutual friends. Derrick is 31 and a police officer. All three herald from British Columbia.
Like Adam and Zeke, Derrick has a love for the outdoors and hiking. They decided to embark on a three-day hike, with a view to become hiking friends. However, they all hit it off far better than expected. Their throuple was born.
@thatadamlguy By popular demand – Thrupz love story, Part 1 #gaythrouple #throuple #gaylove #gaylovestory #hikinggays #outdoorslife ♬ Summer day – TimTaj
Posting throuple videos to TikTok
Adam tells Queerty that he was already a committed TikTok user by the time his throuple started. He’d built up a following of over 40,000 and had often included Zeke in his videos. He says he faced a dilemma: to continue just posting about Zeke or to go public about the fact he was in a throuple.
“To continue posting about my one partner all the time seemed kind of disrespectful and exclusionary to my other partner,” he says over a Zoom call. He decided to go public, in a very open and unabashed way.
@thatadamlguy Last one is the biggest challenge #gaythrouple
#gaytiktok ♬ Bitter Sweet Symphony – Extended Version – The Verve
He says he was expecting a mixed reaction.
“The videos at first met with pretty mild to very positive comments,” he remembers. “A lot of people just saying silly things like ‘do you need a fourth?’, and comments about our finances, stuff like, ‘Oh, in this economy, this makes so much sense.’ As I got deeper into posting throuple videos, the trolls definitely came out to play,” he laughs.
@thatadamlguy Come to Korea with the Thrupz! #gaythrouple
Korea
In particular, a video he posted about him and his boyfriend’s enjoying a trip to South Korea prompted a certain amount of eye-rolling on GayTwitter.
Not all the comments were negative. They have plenty of supportive followers on TikTok and elsewhere.
Y’all give bitter energy shitting all over people just documenting their happiness lmao
Are they obnoxious ? Maybe but they got a relationship that makes them happy so who cares— Zaddy Tony (@zaddytony_) May 5, 2023
The viral buzz landed the throuple in Rolling Stone this week. Derrick and Zeke declined to be interviewed and prefer to leave Adam to speak to the press. The magazine pointed out the fact that Adam’s decision to use Phil Collins’ ‘Another Day In Paradise’ as a soundtrack for his Korean video possibly didn’t help. The song’s lyrics are actually about being thankful not to be homeless.
Adam told Rolling Stone, “I will admit, I didn’t know the song was about homelessness. I still don’t know if that would have deterred me from picking it because obviously, it’s not related.… I’m not checking every single song meaning and making sure it lines up with my TikTok. It’s just not part of my process.”
Some on Twitter objected to the boys preparing a “traditional” Korean tea ceremony. Adam says the Airbnb they stayed at in Jeonju left him specific instructions for how to do so and it was all part of the travel experience. He also say referencing themselves as a “famous gay throuple” was meant tongue-in-cheek.
The pressure to be “heteronormative”
So why does Adam think his videos are triggering some people?
“Some people just want to say, ‘Your relationship won’t work!’. To that, I don’t even give it much thought, because honestly, I think our relationship is really healthy.
“The only comments that give me pause is when people say things along the lines of ‘this type of relationship is causing more hatred to the LGBT community,’ or stuff like ‘You guys are being way too extra.’
“And that made me pause and made me think a bit more because I obviously don’t want to be doing anything that’s enticing any sort of hate or making things worse for people. But, when I thought about that more, I realized that’s a type of critique that’s been used against all different types of smaller groups within the LGBT community.
“Like back when gay people were starting to become more accepted in the 90s or early 2000s, starting to come into the mainstream scene and culture and all that, it was acceptable to be in a certain box, like straight-appearing gay man. People didn’t want to see the more feminine gay men or trans and drag queens and all that.
“I don’t think that contention is being directed in the right place if it’s being directed at us. You’re better off directing it at the actual people who are oppressing the LGBT community.
“I don’t think telling everyone to act in a certain way, or act in a heteronormative way, is the path forward. We don’t have to do things the way straight people do things. If we’re not harming anyone.”
@thatadamlguy TikTok famous gay throuple strikes again! #gaythrouple
Mom knows best
Adam says neither he nor Zeke or Derrick had been in a throuple before. They’re very much working things out as they go along. Do their respective families know about it?
“I’ll only talk about my own family, just out of respect for my partners. My family is quite accepting of me. They’re lovely people. They’ve been quite supportive of me as a gay person and in my new relationship.
“In fact, during the period when we hadn’t really established that we’re a throuple, and I was still battling in my head whether this was a realistic type of relationship, and what I should do, I actually went back home and had this big heart to heart with my mom. I admitted to her that me and Zeke were falling in love with this other guy. She was obviously surprised at first. But as I explained it more, explained the relationship to her and how happy it was making all three of us, she gave me her support.
“She said, ‘Adam, I’ve known you your entire life and I can tell this relationship is making you really happy and that it’s healthy for you, and if you’re telling me it’s healthy for everyone else involved, then I don’t think you should let the unconventionality stop you’.”
@thatadamlguy Replying to @user4367981375486 Of course I have my favourite things about each of my partners! I love both of em way too much for any overall favs tho, hence the throuple!!! Thats the beauty of three – finding unique connections with each of your partners #gaythrouple
#gayboys
Advice for others
Does Adam have any advice for anyone else thinking of entering into a throuple relationship?
“I would say the biggest thing is just to have really honest, open communication. There are a lot of rules and feelings and things that need to be established right at the beginning. It’s really important to tell your partners how you’re feeling. If you feel that you’re being left out in one regard, tell your partners. And from the other side, you should definitely be receptive when one of your partners tells you something’s not feeling right.
“Because there are three people, it can be scary, the idea of the other two being closer, or you being left out in any way. So, I think it’s just really important to be honest with your feelings and establish the ground rules right from the start.”
“You’re probably going to feel some jealousy in the beginning,” Adam adds. “It’s very much human nature, and we just got through that by being honest about it and talking about it. As time goes on, those moments of jealousy grow further apart because we’ve built up so much trust among one another.”
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