Are muscle dudes only ever interested in dating other gym rats?

Muscle guys only tend to go for other muscle guys, right?

That’s the question that has prompted some debate among gay guys on Reddit over the last 24 hours. And many gym goers have waded in to offer their opinion.

The question (‘Is it worth pursuing a gymrat if you’re not one?’) was raised on the AskGayBrosOver30 subreddit.

How about we take this to the next level?

Subscribe to our newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Subscribe to our Newsletter today

The poster said he had a charming, talented, average-bodied, attractive friend who had fallen for a gym rat. They were dating, but the friend was unsure if the feelings were mutual.

“When I asked ‘How’s things with that man?’ he said he feels the same as he did but doesn’t trust him. Fitness freaks, according to him, only date their own. And even if they do date you, according to him, even the least compatible guy with an enviable body will distract him away at least 6 times out of 10.

“I know gay fitness culture in particular can be superficial and cutthroat but I say NOTHING beats romantic chemistry,” the poster countered. However, he knew that around half of his friends were “more cynical”. They expressed skepticism about dating a gym rat unless someone was similarly muscled.

“I don’t pursue the gymrat types but plenty have been dicks to me so I get it.”

However, he still wanted the internet’s opinion on his friend’s odds.

Exceptions to any rule

It’s easy to believe that we, as gay men, mold ourselves into our own beauty ideals. Some men want muscles because that’s what they find attractive. We’re also all familiar with the couples who look remarkably similar — the boyfriend-twins.

However, many respondents cautioned about seeing this as a rule.

“Some gym rats are just ordinary people with ordinary desires for ordinary bodies that HAPPEN to be in a disgustingly appealing package,” argued one well-liked reply. “Others drink the Kool-Aid and vomit at anything above 14% body fat. You won’t know until you date them.”

“I’m a pretty buff guy who gyms 4-5 times a week,” said another. “I love a bear, an otter, an average guy, a chub, all of them can be handsome. You’d be surprised how many of the gym rats have partners who don’t match their body type at all.”

“This is me, too,” replied another gym attendee to that. “I’m a bodybuilder and rarely interested in guys who look like me. I’m all about a handsome face, intelligence, kindness, and a sense of humor. People always said they were really intimidated by me until they started talking to me.”

He went on to advise someone to start up “a conversation that’s NOT about the guy’s body. At least for me, it would indicate that the guy is actually interested in me as a person, not as a piece of meat.”

“I like a little padding on my guys”

Many other gym rats piled into the answers.

“I say I—was—a gym rat because in my 20s and 30s, I had a pretty good body,” said one. “I still do, but I’m over the hill in my late 40s and clinging on for dear life. People used to be intimidated by me. But every guy I ever had an LTR with never had that stacked of a body. Truth be told, all the bad sex I’ve ever had was with gym queens. Not a statement on them, just that I like a little padding on my guys.”

Another commented, “I’m a gym rat with a lot of body anxiety and interestingly I find myself strongly attracted to people who are not necessarily muscular/lean but really own their bodies and have a lot of confidence being bears, having dad bods and so on.”

“Let them pursue you“

A man in a relationship with a muscle dude said he’d also been skeptical of romance at first, but it blossomed nonetheless.

“I was in a similar mindset when I met my boyfriend. He’s got that muscle daddy look, and I thought we would never work out since the last time I stepped foot in a gym was forever ago. But we met up, chatted, and now we’re together!

“What convinced me was his response when I told him I don’t go to the gym. He said ‘I don’t care. I go to the gym for me. Not for anyone else out there, and I don’t expect you to go to the gym for me. If you’d like to go, great, we can go together.’ He was really open about his own body image issues and I loved the honesty.”

A couple of gym rats said they did indeed find themselves attracted to similarly jacked men. However, the majority of respondents said it’s not so black and white.

And one guy offered advice that could apply to anyone, regardless of their size or shape.

“If you’re suspicious of a potential new prospect – for whatever reason – let them pursue you. See if they’re interested enough to take some initiative. If they don’t make an effort – and only respond to your exertions – they’re probably just enjoying the ‘ego boost’ you’re providing, and don’t have any legitimate, sustaining curiosity or interest in you as a person.”

Related

What is bigorexia and do you suffer from it?
Are you hitting the gym a little too hard?

Can a vers guy be happy in a monogamous relationship with a total top or bottom?
What do you do if your partner refuses to do the thing you crave?

Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.