Are you Daddy material? Gay men give their reasons for wanting kids

Some gays are adamant about having children, and some are immune to baby fever. And a recent post in the r/AskGayMen subreddit landed one Reddit user squarely in the latter camp.

“I think the best part about being gay is that I don’t have to have children or be pressured to start a family than if I were a straight man and had a wife,” this user wrote. “I babysit my 3- and 5-year-old nephew and niece at least three times a month because my sister is a single mom. Lemme tell you, because of this, I never want to have kids. It’s so expensive [and] time-consuming and drains out all your energy. I already feel more exhausted than I do at work. I can’t imagine doing childcare 24/7.”

This user explained that he doesn’t want to give up the freedom to travel, get drunk, and sleep until 1 p.m. on weekends. “I see the toll parenthood takes on my sister—she barely has time for herself, and she’s working non-stop,” he wrote. “Also, more kids right now are just bad for the Earth and overpopulation. Maybe things get better once they are out of their toddler age?”

And so he had one question for gay men who want children: “Why?”

Related: 5 gay celebrity couples who are are raising kids and warming our hearts

One commenter on the thread said he has always wanted a husband and kids, and those dreams seemed unrealistic as recently as 15 years ago, when he was in college. “Thankfully, a lot has changed since then,” he wrote. “I got married in 2016, and not long after that, both my husband and I felt like we were done with the staying-out-late, going-to-bars life. We did some more traveling and then decided we wanted to have kids. Being a parent is something I’ve always wanted. Yes, it is expensive, it can be stressful, you’re always tired, and your children become your entire life. But I absolutely love it. My two children are my world, and I can’t imagine my life without them. Not everyone wants to be a parent, and that’s absolutely OK. My husband and I definitely wanted it, though, and I’m thankful every day that I get to live a life I thought was impossible not that long ago.”

Another commenter wrote: “Some people just don’t enjoy drinking/partying very much and want to pass down all their knowledge of the world onto a child. Some people just have that nurturing instinct. You might get those feelings when you’re older, or you might not!”

Related: Good parenting: How to welcome your gay child’s partner into your home

A third Reddit user left a similar comment. “I would like to contribute to the next generation of humans in a positive way. I think kids are fun. I would like at least one child that is mine genetically, be it through artificial insemination or whatever tech is available in the future. I also would like to help out children in the foster system and adopt. I came up through the foster system and am only where I am today because of some key, amazing people who helped me throughout my life at various points. I want to be that person for somebody else.”

Another guy put in a vote for fostering, too. “I like kids in general, but I plan to foster/adopt older kids/teens because there are so many kids who need safe, loving homes and families,” that Reddit user wrote.

Another commenter observed that once going to the club and getting drunk gets old, you start seeking purpose in your life. “Spending your time and resources raising the next generation, your replacement in life, is one way to do that… building a legacy bigger than a night out drinking,” that user said. “And, from the parents I know, infants and toddler stages are the worst phases of being a parent, requiring the most work with the least reward. As they get older and start school, you get your life back, and once they reach adulthood… it’s like you’re child-free again, only with the added benefit of an expanded family and mentorship—assuming your kid isn’t a disaster, which can happen even if you do everything right.”

And one Redditor could see both sides of the childrearing vs. child-free question. “I like the concept of having a kid. Years ago, when I was 20, I saw a father and son playing in the snow in my old neighborhood, and I was kind of hit with this parental longing,” he wrote. “Like, my mind liked the idea of caring for a kid, getting to teach them about the world, and seeing them go out and live in it their own way. My boyfriend is the same way. Honestly, I think we both could be really great dads.”

But then came the nitty-gritty. “When it comes [to] the reality of it, we kind of get turned off of the idea of having kids, how time-consuming they are, how much money it costs to raise them,” that user added. “It doesn’t help that we live in the U.S., where the culture and government couldn’t give two f*cks about affordable childcare, parental leave, or good education. Do we want kids? Definitely! Will we have kids? More than likely not.”

What about you (literal) daddies and daddies-to-be out there? Why do or did you want kids? In the comments below, give us your best argument for adding a branch to the ol’ family tree.