“I came out six times this week”: Viral post highlights the exhausting daily reality of being gay
When did you last come out and to whom?
Mark
A post created by a London-based content creator and podcast host went super viral over the weekend. James Wallis hosts the Hey Gay Boy podcast.
He posted a series of slides in which he reflected upon the fact that coming out is not a singular event. One often has to come out again and again when one encounters people.
“I came out 17 years ago. This week, I came out six times more,” he began, over a photo of his younger self.
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He went on to share other instances he’d encountered over the past few days when he’d weighed up whether to come out or not.
They included a trip to the barbershop and questions over who he was going away on vacation with. And an Uber driver asking him if he had a wife and kids. And a store assistant at Boots (the UK equivalent of CVS) asking him if he was “buying anything for the lucky lady.”
Online reaction
It clearly struck a chord with many LGBTQ+ viewers. At the time of writing, the post enjoyed over 140k likes and thousands of comments.
Some of those commenting had not yet come out to their families.
“I’ve just lost my dad, and it’s only been just over 48 hours,” said one. “I live in a very conservative country. In my time of mourning, my dad’s family, even my own sister and my mom, still asks me when will it be my time to get myself a girlfriend, and start a family on my own. What they didn’t know was, my boyfriend actually came to my house today, to pay his respect to my dad. So yeah, the only comfort that my boyfriend can give me was just hugging me tight, but that hug meant a lot to me.”
Many recognized the need to make a snap decision whether to come out to someone whom they barely know.
“It’s exhausting and stressful. Having to quickly judge how safe it is and if you’ve given yourself away,” was a comment that received over 8k likes.
Others said they and their partner were often assumed to be sisters, brothers, or otherwise related – rather than partners.
“For me it’s people assuming me and my husband are father and son,” said one. “I was packing my groceries in the bag at the supermarket and the cashier told my husband he was so lucky to have such a helpful son 
my husband is 3 WEEKS older than me!”
Others said that despite holding back on disclosing, some straight people accuse us of still pushing our sexuality down their throats – even though they usually don’t think twice about revealing their heterosexuality.
“Gay people can sometimes feel reluctant to talk about these experiences”
Queerty reached out to Wallis. He said he was surprised how far and quickly his post travelled, “but the reaction helped me understand why it resonated.
“I think the post held up a mirror to all the tiny moments gay people navigate so routinely that we barely even register them anymore. What really struck me was hearing from straight friends who said it had made them stop and think about something they’d never had to consider before,” he said.
“I also think gay people can sometimes feel reluctant to talk about these experiences because we don’t want to sound like we’re complaining or playing the victim. So it was lovely to see so many people saying, essentially, ‘Yes, this happens to me too.’
“Sometimes simply naming an everyday experience can make people feel incredibly seen. There was nothing overly profound about the post – I was literally unpacking real examples of what happened to me in the space of the week.”
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