Ride Amtrak to your favorite festival this year

Air travel has been so unpredictable this past year. Are prices up? Are prices down? Are we tooting it? Are we booting it? Who is flying this plane? Where’s my luggage?

Maybe it’s time to try a new form of transportation — one that has been beloved by gays ever since Oscar Wilde uttered the immortal quote, “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”

We’re talking about train travel, honey.

First of all, it’s the most romantic form of travel, hands down (not counting hot air balloon rides on The Bachelor). Amtrak is also the best way to appreciate the American coasts and countryside while saving up to 60% on travel and reducing your carbon footprint by at least two toes. 

Airplanes may be helping to correct America’s gay male unemployment rate, but they also emit a scary amount of carbon dioxide per hour. Plus, the health-conscious dining options on Amtrak are 100 times better than stale, unsalted peanuts. Also, it’s quite easy to get fares on Coach seats.

That said, Amtrak is starting to look like a pretty great option for fulfilling all of your festival responsibilities this year, isn’t it?

Here are some month-by-month train-friendly itineraries for the well-heeled and/or high-heeled traveler.

Pride, Pride everywhere

There is one thing that Michelle Yeoh and Amtrak users have in common: They can both be everything, everywhere all at once. If you want to fulfill your social commitments at not just one but four Prides this summer, then Amtrak may be the most cost-effective, reliable option. Snag a seat onboard the Acela Train route to Baltimore Pride, DC Pride, Philly Pride, and NYC Pride. 

Of course, you’ll need to find somewhere to stay. If you’re in New York, consider Chelsea Pines Inn; if you’re in Philly, check out Alexander Inn; in DC, you’ll love the Dupont Circle Hotel; and in Baltimore, you won’t go wrong with Rachael’s Dowry Bed and Breakfast. No, it’s not owned by Rachael Ray. All of these accommodations are a stone’s throw from Amtrak’s centrally located stations. So, you’ll save on ride shares and have more funds for fun in the city.

Riding the rails to Outfest LA

When traveling to and from Los Angeles, Amtrak has you covered. Amtrak offers five incredibly scenic routes, departing from all over the country, that service LA’s Union Station. Take in California’s beautiful coastline onboard the Pacific Surliner or get in touch with your inner cowboy while riding Amtrak’s Southwest Chief. 

Outfest LA is a great way to get your queer cinema fix and festival fix at the same time. It’s entertaining, thought-provoking, challenging, and fun. Plus, when you’re not talking about the up-and-coming queer movie screenings you’ve just attended, you can find plenty of parties that will tickle your pickle. It’s Los Angeles, after all, and West Hollywood always has something going on.

The iconic Abbey and Micky’s are always bustling — and they’re quite close to the acclaimed Ramada WeHo. Meanwhile, Silver Lake is home to the perennially popular Eagle, as well as a number of cool restaurants. For a candlelit French dinner, try the cozy Cafe Stella. If Mexican’s what you’re craving, then hit up Casita del Campo. 

If you’re looking to sleep, eat, and party closer to the Outfest action, then you might consider the DoubleTree by Hilton. Or you can just sleep on the Amtrak ride home. (Tip: the Sunset Limited route goes all the way from Los Angeles to New Orleans.)

Paint the town at Market Days in Chicago

This classic queer Chicago mainstay is an excellent reason to travel cross-country on Amtrak’s Cardinal Train route. Located in one of America’s first official gayborhoods, Northalsted, this weekend-long music festival is basically one big rager. 

When you’re not power-napping at Northalsted’s Villa Toscana Guest House, you can enjoy the all-day lineups of live music and 200+ unique vendors. In the past, the event has attracted everyone from Ginger Minj to the Aces. However, when you need to step away from the music, you can find great parties at Lucky Horseshoe Lounge (for go-go getters), Hydrate (for thirsty gays), Cell Block (for leather lovers), Roscoe’s (for drag devotees), Big Chicks (for butch ladies) and Sidetrack (for everyone else). 

When you’re famished, look no further than Angelina, which offers an experience that’s as Italian as Titus’ boyfriend on “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” (read: very Italian). Meanwhile, Las Mananitas has the city’s best margaritas, whereas the questionably named Wood features A+ food and A++ cocktails. Finally, when it’s all over, you can take Amtrak’s City of New Orleans route to the next festival on our list.

Hit the Big Easy at Southern Decadence

This annual celebration in New Orleans is known as Mardi Gras’ queer cousin. However, if you throw someone your beads at Southern Decadence, they will do more than lift their shirt. Even if you’re not interested in becoming close with a variety of strangers, you’ll find plenty of distraction in this weekend of dancing and revelry. 

Just weaving through the crowded streets of queers is fun enough, but party-goers will also find fun at Bourbon Street mainstays like Bourbon Pub or Cafe Lafitte. One of the oldest gay bars in the country, Lafitte has welcomed everyone from Truman Capote to Tennessee Williams. For dancing, however, you might consider the popular Oz. 

Then, when you’re Cam Tucker-ed out, you can scrounge up some breakfast at the 24-hour Clover Grill. If you’re somehow awake during the day, then you can find bottomless mimosas at The Country Club or even a jazz-filled brunch buffet at The Court of Two Sisters. Finally, you can sleep it all off at the Hotel St. Pierre, where the well-trimmed courtyard embodies the hotel’s reputation as an epicenter of, well, Southern decadence.

When you’re ready to head back home, catch The Crescent, the City of New Orleans, or the Sunset Limited trains, all with service to and from New Orleans’ Union Passenger Terminal. 

Head out West for Castro Street Fair in SF

What better way to wind down from the summer and welcome the autumn than with a traditional queer rite of passage? Catch up with old friends and celebrate the famous Castro District at San Francisco’s Castro Street Fair,  accessible via Amtrak’s cross-country California Zephyr route. Once you’re here, you’re family. Plus, with every twerk, you’re honoring Harvey Milk, who created this festival in 1974. 

But where to twerk? That’s easy: You can find parties galore at 440 Castro (a must-see), Blackbird (for cocktails), Edge (for the mature crowd), Lookout (for people-watching), Moby Dick (for pinball and sports), and The Cafe (for good old-fashioned man-on-man dancing).

Of course, San Francisco is also known for its culinary excellence. You should absolutely eat at Fable, a Castro Street must with a huge backyard patio. Yamo is a great choice for anyone interested in Burmese food (and who isn’t?), whereas Starbelly is a great spot for Brunch and comfort food (you’ll be needing it after all that partying). 

When you’re ready for a 72-hour nap, crash at Parker Guest House or Beck’s Motor Lodge, two iconic stays close by. Finally, when it’s all over, take Amtrak’s unforgettable San Joaquins route through the majestic Yosemite, Kings Canyon, Sequoia, and Death Valley National Parks. The beautiful ride will offer plenty of opportunities to reflect on all of your dirty deeds over the last five months.

RELATED: Experience Pride from the Heartland to the Big Easy aboard Amtrak’s City of New Orleans Superliner