Take a deep breath, because we’ve nearly survived the first week of 2024.
The holiday hangovers have finally worn off, the workplace PTO has run out, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve changed your New Year’s resolutions at least three times. It’s safe to say the world has returned to a state of normalcy.
Is this going to be the year we’ve been waiting for? The jury is out. But as you trot to the gym, try to ditch sugar, or attempt to crack a book, worry not. For us, it’s new year, same obsessions –– from social media crazes, to heterosexual mess, and of course, cute boys.
Here are the 10 things we’re obsessed with this week…
1. Gay Agenda Notebook
Image Credit: Etsy
I live and die by my old-school, hard-copy, no-batteries-required planner… and not just because I refuse to learn how to sync my iPhone calendar to “The Cloud.” There’s something to be said for the tactility of physically writing down thoughts, appointments, and lists. Plus, I have stereotypically gay and perfect penmanship.
The New Year provides the perfect opportunity to snag a new notebook or planner, so you can get inspired to write yourSaltburn fan fiction novel, stay organized, or just doodle. I recommend this vintage-looking option (available in hardcover and spiral bound for $15.99 on Etsy), which guarantees no confusion about the agenda you’re spreading.
2. Gold Stainless Steel Cocktail Shaker with Confetti Design
Image Credit: Walmart
Nothing sparkles like glitter, but it’s a certified pain to clean up. That’s why I’m obsessed with this little cocktail shaker –– $45.50 at Walmart –– that sets the party vibe with zero chance of finding confetti in your underwear the next day. (Stranger things have happened.)
The gold stainless steel shaker is perfectly sealed, stylish, and makes a darn good dirty martini. Be warned: you may become so obsessed with cocktail making that you’ll never touch another hard seltzer again.
3. How intense these girlies are getting over Stanley Cups
There’s no denying the TikTok-documented firefighting powers of Stanley Cups. And as an accidental water bottle hoarder, I can appreciate the value of a double-wall insulated liquid container –– even one that looks like it’s got a car handle affixed to its side.
But the cult-like obsession over Stanleys (whose 20oz to 64oz sizes go for $30 – $60 at Target) is getting ridiculous, albeit extremely entertaining. Fans are lining up ahead of store openings, sprinting and brawling over new releases, and even ritualistically preserving its original packaging. I think people need to go outside more, but I must be hypnotized too, because it’s the only thing I want to talk about.
4. Jacob Elordi’s Bath Water Candle
Image Credit: Etsy / Amazon MGM Studios
If you’ve seen Saltburn, you’ll recall EXACTLY which scene this hilarious candle is referring to. (For the uninitiated, all you need to know is Aussie hunk Jacob Elordi takes a bath and Barry Keoghan, uh, helps him clean the drain.)
If morbid curiosity –– or unfettered horniness –– is getting the best of you, worry not. This 100% natural soy wax candle ($33 on Etsy) may not have the same taste as “Jacob Elordi’s Bath Water,” but you can let your olfactory senses run wild with scents like clean cotton, apple harvest, cinnamon vanilla, white sage and lavender, or sea salt and orchid.
That Gay Guy Candle Company also has their version for $27 and it comes in over 15 scents including leather, unscented, lemon pound cake, and lush linen.
5. This gay couple who was married by Kelly Clarkson at a concert
If you could see the (happy) tears “Behind These Hazel Eyes” right now! During the New Year’s Eve show of her Vegas residency, Kelly Clarkson served as a witness for a gay couple in the audience who brought their officiant and sought the singer out to be a part of their big day. The men were pronounced husbands “by the power of Kelly Clarkson’s show” surrounded by a cheering crowd.
Furthermore, their love for Kelly is no joke. They reportedly spent their first date discussing her music and got engaged during her 2019 tour. The whole story just warms my pop-star-loving gay heart.
Shawn Mendes celebrated the New Year with some sunset-hued pics on the beach. Clothes not included. As he wrote on Instagram: “Pura Vida!!!! Happy New year!! I’m so looking forward to this year! grateful grateful grateful.”
The singer has been candid about working on his mental health over the past year and his return to music. But after these thirst traps, I honestly I feel like I’m the one who’s grateful.
7. Houston White Adult Paisley Puffer Jacket
Image Credit: Target
I never knew how much I needed a paisley puffer… until I got a paisley puffer. When it comes to winter weather, I tend to go for warmth over aesthetic. But this jacket I scored from an aimless Target trip (currently on sale for $51) has got me saying things like “Yeah, it’s a statement piece” in 30-degree weather.
Not only that, but it’s made of corduroy with a zip-and-snap close and the biggest pockets known to retail department store shoppers. I know it looks like a big swing, but even the heteros are complimenting me on it.
8. This piping hot Real Housewives of Salt Lake City tea
This was so cinematic. Felliniesque. Deserving of a standing ovation at Cannes or to open Sundance. HBO could never. Masterpiece filmmaking. #RHOSLCpic.twitter.com/YFJQbhhG3V— RealHousewivesRanked! (@RankedReal) January 3, 2024
There’s no mess like straight mess. By no means do I devotedly watch Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, but I can’t help myself from basking in this drama-filled moment from its Season 4 finale.
On an overcast beach, Heather Gay reveals that the season’s newcomer Monica Garcia, who they’ve been “trying to champion, support, and defend,” is behind gossip Instagram account Reality Von Tease. The handle has been espousing disparaging comments about the women all season long, so naturally discourse and memes from the Bravo-obsessed gays have been inescapable. Honestly, maybe I do need to watch this franchise.
9. Rogue Paq Send Nudes Match Book Set
Image Credit: Urban Outfitters
If it really was raining men, a single match would likely be of no help. But that doesn’t change the fact that this nudie match book set ($12 for a three-pack on Urban Outfitters) is adorable, and basically invented for the sole purpose of existing in a gay man’s bathroom next to a votive candle.
The set’s queer sensibility will appeal to your friends who pay attention to detail, hopefully keeping the place smelling clean. (And for those without matches in your bathroom, do a Google search and grow up!)
10. Malin + Goetz Eucalyptus Deodorant
Image Credit: Malin + Goetz
If you’re looking to make an easy change this year to benefit your skin (or uh, the environment), look no further than LGBTQ+-founded skincare company Malin+Goetz. Designed by two Chelsea gays with limited shelf space, the duo has created an expansive lineup of products on their mission to uncomplicate skincare.
My personal recommendation is the Eucalyptus Deodorant ($22 online), their best-seller for 13 years. Not only is eucalyptus a supreme scent, but its residue-free formula is designed for all skin types without a trace of aluminum, alcohol, or parabens. Your pits (or pit-loving friends) will thank you.
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