What kind of wrestling is this and… wait, actually, who cares?
We don’t know, and more importantly, we don’t care. Because whatever this is, we’re into it.
Mark
From raunchy Rugby “miner’s pulls” to homoerotic calisthenics, there’s a beautiful bevy of salty workout content on our feeds lately. The best part? These videos usually have next to nothing to do with actual fitness, workouts, or the gym. Which is perfectly fine with us!
In an age of increased censorship on all the apps, people have to get quite creative to get their point across—even if their point is just… videos of extremely hot men twisting around each other.
One of the standouts in the genre comes from an account known simply as @Guidias_aal_dojo. Billed as “the most handsome fighter on the planet,” this German-speaking babe loves to show us improbable moves that ostensibly come from the world of wrestling.
How about we take this to the next level?
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But do they? We don’t know, and more importantly, we don’t care. Because whatever this is, we’re into it.
On a recent, particularly saucy upload, commenters are clearly feeling the same way. Even if what Gui is saying is super interesting and informative, the key is to read between the lines. In the words of Ursula: “body language!”
After Gui tops a fellow wrestler who tries to claw his shirt off, he quickly counters by forcing the other guy into a sort of full-body headlock. A body lock? Is that a thing? Well, it is now!
“I don’t understand,” one commenter wrote, “but I AM paying attention.”
We’re right there with you, friend.
“The bottom dude having the time of his life,” someone else wrote, with another commenting “I don’t think the other guy is here to train.”
Listen, we wouldn’t be either. The great sport of wrestling could not be further from the minds of anyone watching this extraordinary piece of cinema.
Another poster simply asked, “is this pay gorn?” It is if you want it to be—and we definitely want it to be.
This is far from the only randy video on Gui’s page, but it’s definitely one of the best. Another video promises a tutorial on how to break your opponent’s legs on the mat. But it feels like it’s actually about breaking backs, knocking boots, and blowing out…well, you know what.
Still, we’ve never been so interested in self-defense. What is a grape choke and why does it involve nipple play? Don’t know, don’t care. We’re willing to trust the process on this one.
Whatever this guy is doing, he’s getting past the censors and we couldn’t be more grateful.
The people needed to know what a Turtle Escape is, and Gui is making it all possible.
This is yet another case of not all heroes wearing capes—and Thank God for that. If this guy was wearing a cape, we’d be missing out on all the action.
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