The gays are thirsting after the Louvre heist twunks… but there’s a twist
"I feel like I'm cheating on Luigi"
Mark
We finally have images of two of the men behind the recent Louvre jewel heist, and they are fine as all get out. The thirst is massive—but as you’ve probably already guessed, these mugshots tell a very different story than we first assumed.
For the past week, different images of the alleged suspects in the case have been circulating on social media. But in most of the released mugshots, something’s just slightly off. For instance, how did THEE Lady Bunny not recognize the fact that one of the mugshots in question was of “Gossip Girl” star Chace Crawford from his 2010 arrest?
But Chace Crawford wasn’t the only hottie lending his image to the fantasy. On TikTok, a completely different set of mugshots started surfacing, to the delight of gays everywhere. “I feel like I’m cheating on Luigi,” one commenter wrote, referencing the epic moment when gays everywhere found out that Luigi Mangione was not only possibly bisexual, but also—and much more importantly—smoking hot.
How about we take this to the next level?
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@havefaithbeetch Free these fine upstanding citizens right away.
#fyp #louvre #louvreheist #mugshots #trending ♬ original sound –
Lina Jolie
TikTok balladier Jake Schroeder even marked the occasion with a special song just for the “two dudes who robbed the Louvre” who are “literally sexy as hell.”
But if these Ryan Murphy-approved studs look too good to be true, that’s because they are. According to one TikToker, French police don’t actually release headshots to the press, and one of the photos was quickly identified as a completely different mugshot from the hotandbusted tumblr of long ago (RIP.)
In fact, two of the Louvre suspects—of whom we do not have any images yet—were a man and woman who were allegedly in a relationship. So even if we had cause to thirst over the dudes in the case, it seems like they’re both hetero and taken, which is definitely a blow to the gay community.
On top of all this, there’s another fact check that needed to be done surrounding yet another hot man connected to the heist of the century. The well-suited man thirsty readers dubbed “Mr. Dapper” who was captured in a photo shot near the crime scene was quickly cast in the cultural imagination as a young, hunky Poirot. But he turned out to be…just some random guy who was walking past while they were getting the shot??
Basically, aside from the fact that this heist went down in broad daylight at the most famous museum in the world, the intrigue here has proved to be completely in our imagination. Which is…kind of fine? In this timeline, we’re holding out for a hero, and since Luigi is already languishing in jail, our hunk-starved imaginations are casting a line into the stratosphere and seeing what we get back.
The hunky thieves we thought we loved may not have been real, but this whole situation has revealed one core truth that can’t be ignored. In Jake Schroeder’s words, “we need more heists we need more spice, we need hot guys we need more crimes.”
We sure do, Jake. We sure do.
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